1094 Project 101 progress review

This day Monday is turning out to be a Bob Geldorf Monday. My intention last night was to complete the set work yesterday while writing something and this created the first problem because I was not in a thinking creative mood. The choice appeared to be between writing up a holiday and meal occasions remembered at the hotel where I first stayed in the autumn of 1973 prior to my interview and appointment as a local authority chief officer and where I had a meal once more, a week ago.

Something, which I cannot remember a couple of hours later, led me to think that I needed to reflect on the fourth anniversary since commencing full time work on project 101 on July 1st 2003 and I quickly realised that I only had a broad recollection of how the work had progressed and that I needed to check records, and then to my horror I discovered that some digital records could not be found, although I had a printed record, but worse still I had become lazy about the keeping of some records which will be important in years to come.

The day was reorganised and after a salad lunch with an unbuttered roll and a mini siesta watching Bargain Hunt, I directed myself to making a summary record. I had spent too much time with one eye of Big Brother House and I must soon decide if this enthusiasm is to be maintained or abandoned. I arranged my travel to London for the Diana concert on July 1st, going by train and return by coach; although on reflection it is such a long journey I may re book by train later this evening.

As previously recorded the 101 project has it seeds in the opening of the Baltic in 2002, the film of the life of Jackson Pollock and the purchase of two books, in particular the last two chapters of the Stangos Edited Concepts of Modern Art. Then after an important break involving three diverse life changing events I had visited the Saatchi and Tate Modern on a Spring Day in 2003 I knew not only what I wanted to do but how to do it. It was after a fourth event which shocked and devastated after a first visit to Gibraltar at the end of May 2003 that the decision was taken to commence full time work on July 1st , having planned to commenced on the 65th birthday in March 2004. July 1st was also the day that I was advised I had won a joint BT Tate competition with prizes which included a state of the art BT phone and the Tate companion to British art. It appeared to be a good omen.

The first decision had been to the test out my concept by anonymously sending a sample set to eight critics, artists, exhibitors and art media interests. There were three reasons for doing this: 1- A commitment to the project; 2- An attempt to find out if anyone else had previously thought, or was working on something similar and 3- to see if there was a reaction or any interest. At the time I was debating if I should attempt to raise funds to maintain the former family home, or start afresh elsewhere.

I decided against acquiring the knowledge and technology to put myself on line but kept a record through a mixture of open access and confidential audio tapes which I continued until 101 90 mins tapes were completed. I commenced to digitally photo each completed set or volume of sets, and these photos comprise the about three quarters of the 350000 photos taken to-date. I also commenced a record of how the work was displayed around the house, of the garden year and of the immediate environment as well as visits to former residential and occupational homes and offices. Some 20 hours of unedited film was also taken in the first two years of the project.

While I can list the main project work activities without reference to records, I need to have a better memory of how the work progressed. My first activity was to work with crayons and then with pastels. I made a visit to Oxford to where I had studied and worked 1961-1967 and to Teddington and Ealing where I had then moved and worked 1967-1970. Later in the year I translated by 1993 completed unpublished novel into creative set work and before the end of the year a list of all published writing. There were also the records of my confidential records of the Department of Health Drug Advisory Service visit to Oxfordshire in 1989. Between July 1st and December 31st 2003 I created 413 sets an average of 68 a month.

During the first quarter of 2004 a major project involved former work and homes and then my diary of events covering a ten year period from 1988. There were field trips to former homes in Yorkshire and Cheshire, and to Manchester and Birmingham where I had undertaken practical work and attended the University and a second visit to Oxford. There was work on the Drug Advisory visit to East Suffolk. The major field trips were to Calne, in Wiltshire and Gibraltar, as I recommenced work on the family history. There was information on financial history from Bills and receipts and systematic work on my creative writings from the early 1960's to the mid 1980's. I remembered that I had lent my only copy of a play which was not returned. In the late 1960 I had written a weekly report on child care social work matters raised in Parliament through Hazard and these had been sold to local authorities, voluntary organisations, training institutions and government departments, as well as writing a loose political column each month for a professional journal. I undertook some work on my support of Football and the great share dealing adventure when I had turned £1000 into £7000 in a matter of weeks and then lost everything when the stock market crashed. In 2004 I produced over 1600 new sets at an average of 135 a month.

The spring of 2005 was devoted to creating a chronicle of events 1939-2004 and to the writing of an autobiographical work 101 in Black and White where 101 copies were privately printed and which are likely to form a work for exhibition, in black and white boxes 9.3.39 together with 101 photos and 101 statements. There was component set making such as the period of involvement with non violent civil disobedience and direct action, some college tutorial work and confrontation with trade union and political extremists. The anniversary year came to end with the sale of the former family home and moving to my present location. There was further work on personal history with my interest in Jazz and the years of adult and further education, and professional work training. In the autumn of 2005 major work was commenced on family history with the development of on line searches of census records and church records before the creation of the national records of births, marriages and deaths in 1837. Despite moving home 2005 has been my most productive work year with just under 2000 sets completed at a monthly average of over 160.

2006 was devoted to family history research and a major visit to Calne to study original church record. This led to an amazing discovery of a Tithe Map of all properties drawn to scale with a register of all owners and renting occupiers and which showed the property where my mother's great grandfather and his extraordinary wife gave birth to seven daughters in succession and then five sons. I walked into the local history centre on the same day that a distant relative who had once lived in the same street as the great grandfather were visiting and being shown a photograph of an ancestor. A family history to 1901 covering information and photos was produced in three versions. This work is basis of a work about my relationship with my mother.

It was after the completion of this part of the project that I decided to create the AOL Blog from May 2006 to April 2007 and which has 900 entries. Each day I made one to three entries chronicling work and other activities, and a review of a cultural experience which had some reference back to life before 2003 when the project was commenced. There was also a back up record of some 50000 photographs, primarily of development work. I was not aware of any readership but the writing was checked to ensure it met the rules of the project and therefore it was not a comprehensive truth because thoughts and feelings related to known living individuals were excluded unless there was prior approval or the issue had been made public. There were also those matters restricted by statute. The writing of the Blog provided a structure for the day although this remained secondary to the main project task recreating my previous self aware life.

During the second half of 2006 I worked on the records of a child care inquiry when I had accepted an invitation with the approval of my employers in the early 1980's and where because of matters uncovered I drafted the majority report, although it was carefully rewritten and agreed by three of the four panel members of the inquiry. There were important lessons about inquiries within a legal framework there were some fifty lawyers ranging from Queen's Counsel to office assistants involved on behalf of the main interests. Those who had warned and complained, neighbours, foster parents had to rely on panel members to listen to their interests. The inquiry lasted 3 months and the study of the documentation and writing of the published report took a further year, undertaken early morning before commencing my normal managerial responsibilities 1855 new sets were completed in 2006, at an average of over 150 a month. I completed inventories of Books, of audio sounds and visual films in the media format of fifty years. I read and I listen trying to recapture the original experience and re-evaluate from the perspective of subsequent experience.

This year over the first five months the rate of new work has fallen significantly but remains over 100 a month. I have been considering why this has been so, and why I have not pursued some activities where there had been great enthusiasm and a sense of priority.

Yesterday I watched a programme about the life of the Comedian Benny Hill who devised his work and TV programmes and became an internal celebrity because of the visual nature of work. Various friends and admirers mentioned that he liked his own company, overeat and drank when he lost his new work contract, but that he liked to be in company but chose to control when and with whom. This was me but no longer.

It commenced last year with the experience of live theatre, and switching from seeing current cinema in theatre to the study of films and film makers centred on Ingmar Bergman and Almodovar with some 40 viewings todate.

Then there has been the impact of my Space discovered by accident having attended the live performance of X factor finalists and doing some homework on the artists. My interest quickly developed as a means of fulfilling the original intention that the process of my work should open to anyone interested in addition to the open part of the work itself. I also commenced to trawl the profiles of others and their friends to find those whose lives touched on aspects of my previous experience, and then discovered tribute sites to many of those who had significantly influenced my development. However this has had several unexpected consequences. It has led to important real live interactions and experiences where the links with time past has been stretched.
That my mother has reached 100 years also has had its impact, although being able to make almost daily visits, since her move locally approaching three years ago, has been more profound, because we have both had the relationship we never had as a child. Until now I have known what it was like to grow up without a meaningful relationship with one or both biological parents and only guessed at what it would be like to have had that unique relationship with a biological mother and flesh to flesh bonding father. This is not to imply that that all such relationships are good and appropriate, and enable children to grow up as productive and effective members of society and with constructive relationships with subsequent partners and their own children.

Too often when politicians and media comment and moan about the loss of Englishness, they are referring to a narrow sub culture created by heredity and industrial revolution wealth, which dominated and had authority over Victorian society, and which continued until the early part of the reign of Queen Elizabeth. The majority culture has always been very different but without power. This has changed significantly over the past two decades. The composition of the British Isles has become European and International. The majority of young people are involved in liberating adult education and our cities and major towns have been given over to their culture and entertainment as well as to their education. The internet digital revolution has not only transformed what we see and hear but how we see and hear, but had rapidily sidelined politicians and the political process. People not only watch but vote in their millions Big Brother, Idol and X Factor. Business has become global with the capacity to switch everything to where goods can be produced most cheaply, and managements and research to where the best can function the most effectively. Meanwhile religions and ideologues murder and create havoc in order to justify their continuation and authority.

I was stuck in a limbo between a vanishing minority but powerful English culture and a new forced from which I felt and was to a certain extent excluded. I suddenly find that I am able to live in the world wide culture of the present. This requires a revaluation of how I am using my time and work priorities.

interesting blog. Posted by ~ Z ~ on 12:06 - 12:44

1064 Artman Creative

Recently an artist contact disclosed to the world that without a studio their artistic production environment was a garage, with the consequence that work had to be disposed off in some way before new creations could be commenced. This implied that the rest of their home was normal in terms of what normality is for those whose lives do not become taken over by their work. Visual and other forms of creative artists are not the only beings whose homes reflect their obsessions and fanatical interests. Programmes about collectors have revealed homes where every nook and cranny is filled with books, with objects and memorabilia of some form, and animals, from traditional domestic pets to creatures of the wild.

I have always been loath to throw anything away as a consequence of regretting the decision in my youth to "change" and dispose of everything which represented the being I wished to escape from. However I assumed that keys aspects of my life until then such as school reports and basic information of my childhood would be retained by my mother and remain available if needed. Alas when in the midst of the illness of severe memory loss with psychosis, and she saw anyone and everyone, including family members as enemies, she destroyed almost everything that I might have wanted to know and treasure. When the aunt who provided mothering died prematurely it was too late and contact with over a dozen surviving first cousins in England, the Mediterranean and the USA confirmed that there were significant gaps in the family history, in that no one had a photo of my mother's father and mother, and no one knows where her paternal parents are buried. It is unlikely this void will be filled although I will make another effort later in the year.

The interior of domestic homes should say something about the lives of their owners, and which they consciously wish to project, even if this is "I am a follower of fashion," or it is all a compromise because of my income, my background, my partner and children all having their say, and quite rightly too because it is their space and well as "my space."

I am revising this having floundered around for a few hours uncertain how to make the most effective use of this day. Yesterday was exceptional and this morning I awoke around 9am, after going to bed after 2am with what can best be described as an activity hang over.

I decided on sorting out the piles of cards waiting to become sets which cover the floor and every available flat surface in this work room. And then guilt struck and I felt physically better and vacuumed the front room and hallway. This is a Tardis house in that is has a narrow front sandwiched between other houses of similar appearance. Having not been inside theirs other than the entrance porch I cannot say if they have the same cavernous spaces inside with four living areas on the ground floor with two large rooms with alcoves, adjacent at the front, with tall ceilings and grand central light fixtures of days when the homes were town houses for sea captains and professionals with servants. Not on the grand scale of those of fashionable London houses and other elegant towns and city centres, but up market compared to the acres of public housing and for renting in the town, and in fact not too far away similar properties have been converted into two flats or used as small hotels.

The secret of the property is that running off from the entrance hallway are two further rooms parallel to the an outside back area which is mostly used for garaging but which in my instance because I have small vehicle, also accommodates a table and chairs, and some vegetation in pots, hanging baskets and window boxes to reminds of when I had a quarter acre site to develop and enjoy. My garage area is covered with some transparent material which produces intense heat as well as light so that during last summer the temperature reached over 100's degrees several times over a period of several days. There is a downstairs toilet which has to be entered from the garage so not ideal in winter, but compared to most such facilities, it has quality fittings and it is not only old ladies who find they need to make it quickly from time to time.
I am digressing from the theme of working environment to report a wondrous new development, viz the all singing and dancing six cartridge printer scanner which I have set up, partially, and scanned and printed my birth certificate to establish for Sunderland Football club that I am over 65 and entitled to a concessionary season ticket. The concessions and disadvantages of old age will be a subject for another day.

The reason why the printer is being set up today is because my second Epson standby printer failed. Both were free from my supplier of inkjet cartridges and both could not be used without technical intervention after reaching a certain use, I think somewhere over 30000 sheets. It only took a few minutes to clear surplus ink and re set and my local agent did both for the price of one, a few weeks ago, warning that the working life would come to an end. Then I had a severe paper jam and one machine stopped working and now the second. This would not have been a problem if my main machine had not commenced to print pink for blue.

I usually rush at making things work my way, but so far having unpacked, then spent more time that I cared for finding where the mains socket was, and tentatively exploring the main features, I discovered that I could copy and print freestanding without the computer.

Having successfully copied I decided to proceed with installing, but did not panic where I received a hardware not recognised notice. Then, for once, the solution immediately dawned. The suppliers had insisted on selling me a printer computer cable, albeit at a concessionary price, although the printer appeared to come with its own. Disconnecting this caused a flutter because for a moment it looked as if was an integral part of the equipment, but once this was solved and new cable attached, the machine was recognised and the installation from the CD could proceed. It took sometime because of the quantity of components and that some old software had to be uninstalled before the latest versions could be added but this was undertaken automatically. There were some further heart stopping moments before everything was in order and I was able to print out in blue the set numbering card called black which is part of a volume of internet information on the devil and all his little helpers which formed research alongside with My Space work, used for writings before Easter. The reason for needing set card number 13502 covering cards numbered 324025 324848 is that I had used set numbering 13546 twice. In order to avoid this situation which happens with greater frequency than I need, but which is not surprising because I have between 50 and 100 separate, but often related projects works, under way. I do have a master framework having originally guessed the balance between output of development work, events, records, confidentiality and creativity and I keep track with two lists which never balance, unfortunately. The first sequentially numbered 0 to 6250 or whatever is the latest completed set in the sequence, and the second list covers completed sets under their sections and this is useful in tracking partially completed sets. I keep records of each signature registration card which also helps to avoid duplication although sometimes it creates mysteries as I cannot explain why a gap has created eg why is there no such set 1824 when I am up to 1870? I also then photo each card individually and jointly with its partner in a volume including writing drafts, but not as in the instance of internet information prints because in theory these could be printed out again, if for an reason the work, or parts of it, is lost. Now wasn't that all interesting! I find it boring and resent the amount of time work housekeeping consumes.

I may be no good as a creative artist but I am working seriously at it.

I would get back to writing about my working environment except it is time to have a shave and put on decent clothes and visit mother. I shall return but not quite in the grand manner of Mr McArthur, or was it MacArthur. I will check that up on return? It was big Mac.

My first working environment was a large house of seven potential bedrooms and four living areas plus two good landing space areas and a double garage to develop as a total art use space. This was to be ArtmansArthouse.

Getting heavy, even when empty, four drawer filling cabinets to the first floor was challenge enough and as the time to downsize approached I settled for housing five in the garage, two in the main entrance hallway, one at the end of my bed, one in the main lounge and one in the kitchen. Two large black display units dominated the utility room, and the spare doubled bedded room was an interesting mixture of display units housing the blue work volumes with blue bedding and curtains. It was a compromise because the walls were bedroom wallpapered and I never got round to using the blue paint which I subsequently used here on the garage patio space and where one giant tin remains unused. I experimented with various combinations of units and a former lounge/dining room was given over to work and the technology experience history. I needed lots and lot of tables and flat surfaces to spread work and work materials, box files in their hundreds, card in their thousands, glue and glitter. I use kids glitter glue which takes 24 hours to dry and even longer if I decide to be creative with a mix of colours on the simple lettering of Artman of which one is created for every display set, but not for those to be locked and sealed in the confidentiality cabinets which I guess is an inconsistency.

I have got things badly wrong with using a fixed outline and format for the artman cards, until realising that I could create free form signatures, and I may switch to using acrylic for those which are the frontispiece for creative work sets, especially as I discovered a shop selling inexpensive packs for me to experiment with. These cards are not only for artman signatures but some use "witness" to my own life and others, and some "guardian" of my life and of others. The working environment and how the completed work was displayed changed and were photographed and I remember why I did not continue with this aspect when I moved here except hating to have to reproduce ideas once they have been worked out and through.

I decided on this theme for the main Blog writing of the day after waking with an activity hangover around 9am and it was an hour or so before I could begin the house clean which I had promised myself, vacuuming the front room, the parlour, which until Christmas had the appearance of comparative normality to any passer by. (I have said this before but I needed to say it again.) It was the only one of the other nine rooms which could be described as such. Admittedly there were three tall display units for books and black boxes housing completed creative work, but there is good sideboard, a settee, a couple of chairs, and my mother's glass display unit with an internal light, if only I possessed objectives worth illuminating.

Then at Christmas the myth of normal existence was destroyed when first I kept UP the 101 fairy lantern lights after January 6th. The initial reason is that it was not possible for everyone who wished to celebrate the 100th birthday of my mother on the day itself, and fortunately as she is within her own world of space and time the birthday can be celebrated at different times. If it is good enough for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth to do so then it is good enough for my mother! Then I had the idea of keeping the lights up during the remaining lifetime of my mother, or my own whose ever ending comes first, to at least until she 101. There is a similar set of 101 lantern lights fixed to cross beams in the garage to create a Mediterranean feel sitting out on balmy nights drinking wine and writing in my head. I could give myself a performance art soliloquy but could I get locked up in a mental institution? It is safer to do so on the net. The second, and greater reason, for ending the conventional front parlour image is that I brought down a single bed base to use as a work surface and then as a base for 101 9.3.39, and which I completed yesterday, but where I need to settle on the 101 dedications before it is ready for showing. Do I dare? Do I want to cope with the ridicule? The bed base has a secret because underneath is a fold up bed which can be set alongside the other to form a double. The idea is that if I cannot use the stairs at some point in the future I can survive on the ground floor. The give away that this was never intended to be treated as a normal parlour is the Black Cabinet in one corner. I use this room to watch videos and DVD's. I have the means of transmitting Sky TV from the next room and I got it to work, with the signal penetrating book display shelves either side of a solid brick wall. The books in here are novels, plays poetry and English Literature. There is also the DVD and video collection.

My Black and White work space has a mauve carpet and a colour poster with ticket for Live Aid 1985 but otherwise there is a combination of black and white units, a dilapidated settee covered in white and which is large and comfy enough to sleep on and where I often nap in front of the telly. I work by the window using a former kitchen table and a trolley to house the second printer, pending communications and cards for printing. There are mountains of packs of white card everywhere, usually 10 ream open and piled on top of a lot level display unit with over 2000 sheets of photopaper, 1000 sheets or so of communication paper and in between the settee and this display unit there is hidden the boxes of printing cartridges about 150 at present plus thirty for the standby printer to go back, and will be credited and then replaced. There are also packs galore of glitter and glue.

At present the floor is covered with piles of cards grouped but not sorted into an order of making into sets. There are about forty binders and folders of sets in the making, ten boxes in two sizes and three colours, of work also in the making and 25 partially made folders which will each hold 100 pages of text and photos on photo paper celebrating the life of my mother. There are two black filing cabinets, behind me.

The are 101 special books together in this room plus books on history, politics, economics ( I studied these subjects when taking an economics and politics course, and then books on philosophy, psychology psychiatry and psycho analysis, sociology and social work, when studies for the diploma in public and social administration and then for child care. There books on trade unions and their history on jazz and other music, on sport and this and that. There are several years of bound copies of New Society Magazine from the first edition, books on art and large travel places photo books not included in the 101.

The hallway leading to the stairs has two units containing 101 framed photos accompanying 101 and the first 150 volumes of development work. There are also 37 reams of white card here. I will have to count those upstairs and work out how long before I need a new supply and if this will be after my supplier brings out another 2 for 1 offer. Along the continuing hallway to the back of the house there are book cases for map and travel books, cook books and D IY books and on top information about goings on in all the arts locally and in the region. I am constantly having to vacuum the thick carpet because it is red and shows up everything light. Perhaps I should do it more often.

The day room is a mixture with a wall to ceiling rustic dresser and a table at the window which I inherited. There is a cavernous cupboard under the stairs and I wonder if the house had a cellar. In the other side I have two more cabinets and the separate Fridge and Freezer and the dryer, so that the room is more functional household although it is not unknown for the table and floor to be covered with work. The square kitchen is functional with coming with the house a gas cooker, a fridge freezer and a washing machine as well as adequate storage and another giant cupboard with shelving. I have an electric oven/grill which is better than the gas oven which I only use for roasting chickens every other weekend, as one chicken provides three or four meals subsequently made up with veg and stock. There is a steamer and two microwaves although one is hidden under the day room table.

And then there is the first floor half landing area, the first former floor bedrooms, my black bedded room, the second floor half landing, the second floor landing and the three rooms and then there is great loft of two room sizes (it has two lights) and a proper staircase, and then there are built in cupboards and wardrobes, about a dozen doubles and some singles. But how they are used must wait until another day.

But here is the thought that haunts having seen the images of the work produced by my friend from the limitations of one garage, it is not the quantity of work space or output that matters, but its quality. I am yet to be proven, my friend does not.

1063 Artman Working

Carolyn Mary Kleefeld on MySpace and decided to go to her freestanding website, and immediately knew that this was a mind I needed to begin to experience and rushed to Amazon and E Bay to discover what was available, and bought two volumes of the earliest of poems. Because they were to be shipped from the>USA from separate sources it is interesting that I obtained both today, one from the post office as delivery was could not be made when I was out on Thursday and one in this morning's delivery.

The first volume is a double surprise because it is number 456 of 500 and signed by the author "Climates of the Mind." It contains a substantial number of poetic writings, snippets in addition to full poems, and although I have only dipped, I am in awe at the ability to express such a level thoughts and feelings, viewpoints and understanding by someone so comparatively young when it was published in cloth paper nearly three decades ago. This is an individual who values privacy, but it is evident that she has a command of philosophy and psychoanalytical thinking of the most significant level and which she has translated into poems ranging from simple and succinct observations to the complex of images embracing a knowledge of historical literature to the views of Carl Jung which I shall comment further in relation to the second volume. From the internet I have viewed some of the visual work and not surprised to learn that it has been acquired by leading collectors.

When I say she covers issues which I also explore it is not suggest we inhabit the same dimension. The second work sub titled word painting is called "Satan Sleeps with the Holy," and the snippets of reviews are by psychologists, psychiatrists and a literature professor. This exploration while covering evil and Hell is about the human condition and the significance of the subconscious. Over forty years ago I read psychoanalytical writings, mainly Freud, father and daughter, Alexander, and books by Jung :- his consideration of Freud and Psychoanalysis and a work which influenced more than the others, Modern Man in search of a soul, together with the writings of R D Laing, particularly his, Divided Self."

Today I read sections of the chapter in Modern Man, called the Spiritual Problem of Modern Man, and was struck by his sentence about standing on the "peak, or at the very edge of the world, the abyss of the future before him, and below him the heavens, and below him the whole of mankind with a history that disappears in primeval mists"

Now there was I thinking I was being original when talking about life being like climbing mountains, and finding that while you looked down on humanity, the rest of humanity looked down at you from even higher peaks. I only recently had I written about running around the rim of abyss, shouting "I see you, I see you." I have only recently appreciated that while I cannot recall what I have read it will have lain there in the subconscious, confirming that nothing I say is original and that many others can better express. It is not a dispiriting reality because the process of discovery is my own and I grow and integrate as a creative person. I will not attempt to consume and digest as used to do my food, to fill he void of hunger, but do what I did today read a bit when I can and want to.

The excitement and pleasure at just handling the books was the filling in period where football played a major role in my experience with fourth matches yesterday afternoon and evening and two this evening switching between channels. Lunchtime I went to Newcastle and owned up to neighbours that I had been to Sunderland and would going again and they were not impressed. They would have been more upset when later that evening Sunderland won the game after going a goal down and because other teams lost or drew found themselves at the head of the position table. This evening I started by watching Chelsea at Valencia but switched to Old Trafford when the first of their seven goals was scored. One moment I disclosing the universal jealous towards the success of the Manchester United and then next expressed awe and admiration for how they can perform. Chelsea also won with goal in the last seconds, so there is the likelihood of the three English clubs in the semi finals.

The main work activity was to make up the additional 15 boxes to create a 9.3.39 display of the 101 books, deciding on 3 white sandwiched between 3 blacks for the 9 and a two black one white setting for the 3's. I will photo during the rest of the week but tomorrow is to be given over to house cleaning and set making, mainly of MySpace produced material. I started the box making this morning after rising at a reasonable hour going to bed after 3 am.

I felt good because there had been no need to go for a zombie like pee in the dark, cautious of slipping over the two steps of the half landing and crashing by mistake into one of the display units housing the story of my electronic experience. The first was a Clive Sinclair ZX or something similar, which I had no idea what to do with and junked which is a pity cos it might be worth a few bob in a hundred year's time. Then it was a Commodore 64 which you had to attach to a TV, and games and thingies had to be loaded via Cassette tape, and where the best game was called Alice. Ah ha hands up all those who spotted Alice among my friends, although she is therefore a different purpose. After the Alice came two word processing Amstrads a 256 and then a 512 with a green screen and I envied those who communicated in colour. I carried an Amstrad around in a giant shoulder bag as the original lap top, well how many people do you know carried their desktop as a shoulder bag in the mid 1980's to all parts of England, (when doing field trips for the Drug Advisory Service).

I did a little shopping at the supermarket after going to collect the Kleefeld book, as test of will, because later I could have gone with the car when visiting my mother. I needed some vinegar and olives for my salads. I am trying to lose weight again in earnest because of a potential physical health problem that I have tracked over several weeks and a visit arranged for the GP I was disappointed with myself when weighing at Easter. Having gained a few pounds which took me over 15.7, which still two stones lighter over the past year but my aim was to be under 15 some by the School Summer half term. I did walk about four miles on Saturday but under a mile walking around Newcastle yesterday and about the same today.

Growing tried after he meal I tried a siesta and woken up quickly watching the closing sections of the final disk of the first season of Lost, which should get into the 101 TV list. When I realised that I did not have another mil order rental to view, I decided to see the DVD on the life of Ray Charles which followed the usual cautionary tale of successful male entertainers men who take up second wives while on the road, of drug experimentation and addicted use, and of dumping those who played a major part in achieving fame and success. I am tired as it is after 2 am so will stop with nothing profound to say. Nor do I feel up to a spelling and grammar check.

1062 Artman Project reprise

There was Adam and Eve, and you and me and we are all connected.

I am who I am, now, have been, and will become, and of my ancestors and my descendents.

I have never pretended to be other than me, but accept that this always has been not to some liking.

I perform my allotted parts on this stage of life with all the passion, and adventure, the experience and understanding of someone who is reaching the end of his >three score years and ten, but I am not an actor in role play and life is not a rehearsal.

I am also a master of the light and the dark, and which I treat as separate kingdoms, and which you can enter to discover which suits you best, but beware, if you commit yourself to one, it shall be for eternity. It is your choice, and your life.

From today I will inhabit two dimensions on My Space in addition to my ongoing dimension on AOL Blogs which has approaching 1000 entries and over 25000 photos since commencing in 2006.

Each is part of 101, which I commenced in June 2003 but started to plan in August 2002. This project involves creating one A 4 size card representing each hour of my former life to the age of 65, in sets of 24 and volumes of days, some in boxes and confidentials in large black four drawer filing cabinets which will be sealed prior to any public exhibition. To-date 6250 sets have been completed 150000 cards approximately, one quarter of the project. There are 240000 digital photos, 100 90 mins audio tapes and 20 hours of unedited digital film.

One component has been completed and will be made ready for public display. This consist of 101 copies of a 400 page explanation in words and pictures of how I came to become Artmanjosephgrech, printed by the Daily Mail in 2005, and with the title 101 in Black and White. Originally the idea was to display the work in a sealed transparent unit, with the option of the 101 photographs on their own, or with 101 statements in addition. Then having come across some Black and White boxes the intention was to exhibit in nine of these, but more recently I have taken with the concept of using 9 3 39, my date of birth, and which in turn will take the pressure from the weight of one box upon the other. Each book will have a dedication, some coded. An intrinsic aspect of the concept is Public and Private Life, Public and Private Art.

In addition to the photographs, there a few crayonings and pastel experimentation, and to day on my way to watch Newcastle play Arsenal at St James Park and then Sunderland at Southampton on a big TV screen, I came across a shop selling some acrylic, and made up canvases, and thought why not have a bash at that, I have the urge to squelch and splodge some paint.

Last year I completed a six year family history research project on the Wiltshire ancestors of my mother who celebrated her 100th birthday in January, and although copies of this 200 page study of ancestral chains and photographs were mainly for the extended family with close branches in England, Gibraltar and the U.S.A, (there are also branches of the wider family in Canada, Australia and South Africa) separate editions were lodged with relevant archives and family history centres.

It had been the intention to complete a biographical work, Fragments of Time, which covered my mother's ancestors, her grand mother was Spanish, her mother had Spanish and Italian parents, but was Gibraltar born, set in the context of the political, economic, social, and religious contemporary life, and while this is about a quarter written, I decided on a shorter version to make the actual birthday event, although versions is a more accurate description because following the circulation of one version to immediate family members, different versions are about to be produced for her various interests such as the churches she attended, the schools where she taught.
I was brought up in two rooms by five sisters, two of whom died soon after the end of World War two, in the household of a sixth sister and her family; I did not know which my mother was until going to an independent Catholic Preparatory Day school. Mothering was provided by another sister, who shared with me one end of a double bed, with my mother and another aunt, at the other end, and who subsequently lived with my mother for six decades until she prematurely died in hospital in circumstances that have worried and upset me, because the explanations by medical and nursing officers in hospital and community are incompatible. Formal investigations by the appropriate authorities has taken four years and following completion of two Health Ombudsman's reports, the results of a request for these to be reviewed is expected over the coming month and could involve several weeks of intense work depending on the decisions reached. It is my intention to write something for general publication about the task confronting relatives when they have complaints which cut across the whole range of hospital and community health and welfare services.

It is my intention, assuming I manage to live longer than my mother, to undertake research into the life and family background of my father, hence my adoption of his name of Grech to represent the person I might have been, had I been able to know him, and had I chosen to follow my creative nature professionally instead of deciding to take the path into child care, social work and its management. The second volume which is only a concept, " Fragments of Memory," in the form of an extended letter explaining to him about my life, speculating how similar and dissimilar we are. I am tempted to write the work in dyslexia because of

mylearningdifficultiesaboutgrammarspellinglanguagesand rememberinggenerally

in addition to a lack of hand and eye coordination which makes controlled delicate work of any kind impossible, glory be the word processor and with spelling and grammar checker.

I did write a play in 1961, after leaving prison, which the writers for the Royal Court Theatre said was interesting and wished to see what else I had written, but had not, and want to do one now about the Tardis of old age, and I did complete one novel in 1993 which the readers said they hoped would find a publisher, but I suspect they were being kind because I now think it is awful and would like to do something better.

And this brings me to AOL and My Space Blogs. When I had my epiphany after seeing the bed of Tracey Emin with her banner work above, at the Saatchi, and then the work of Bruce Nauman and Hanne Darbovan, and a performance art work video of Sarah Lucas, at Tate Modem, I knew what to do and how to do it, in the form of the card work. I was much taken by the nature of digital communication and its pushing of boundaries with 24 hour web cams intrusions into every aspect of personal life and the ultimate snuff movie, "With my Little Eye," and also by the fact that millions are willing to pay to vote for their American Idols and British X factors (and where I am addicted to both), watching everything there is to be watched, I voyeur that I be, but do not vote freely in local and national elections, it seemed to me, in my uneducated and untrained creative mentality that to be considered as a contemporary creative artist, and not an historical reproductionist, you had not only to create art which reflected the width and depth and life experiences of the moment, but you had to make the creative process available, to anyone, anywhere, anytime given that everything we do and say is technically viewable, recordable and therefore changeable, to those with the technology. Quite apart from technical and financial problems of doing this, I have run away from my exhibitionist drives even more than the voyeuristic, so putting myself on stage before my work was accepted, could not be faced, and this created a dilemma because in order to complete the task I would need to work in comparative isolation and engage in communication with others without them or me being subjected to forces which would significantly affect the nature of relationships.

It was therefore something akin to putting a toe into a cauldron of choppy freezing and boiling water that I commenced to write notes on my day, and what I had experienced from the creative work of others for an AOL Blog, but I grew in confidence when it was evident that no one else was reading, mainly because I told no one. Doing so almost every day became a way of life, until that is I discovered MySpace by accident, looking at artists who were to appear on the X factor show and discovering that one had created a MySpace site and the rest as they say is now and tomorrow. At first I headed off in every direction possible and then concentrated on issues which interested, such as recently who were the friends of Sigmund Freud and why? Or would anyway admit to a stranger that they were involved with the occult, or was it all a fashion, music and social subculture? How wicked are the professed wicked and good the good?

Apart from the contact with individuals, the aspect which interests me most is that MySpace is a series of separate dimensions of space and time each part of an interlinking whole. There are the established public performers and their markets and their existing and potential fans. There is the net working within specialist interests and occupations. There are those in search of someone or something? There are tight circles of families and their actively known friends. There is a multiplicity and perhaps duplicity of role players. There is the promotion of an interest or a cause or of someone famous long departed, and or who should be famous, living or passed on. There are hoaxers and promoters of everything one can think of and then there is me.

When I had just a few friends, mostly I had encountered during searchings the concept of limiting the number to 101 seemed reasonable and I set about drawing up a schedule of 101 experiences and interests in my life which I might want individuals to represent. Twenty five categories of four but then there are more than twenty five categories. Sometimes four appears more than sufficient with for film directors Ingmar Bergman, Almodovar and Peter Jackson never disappointing in anything they have done so far, but was there a fourth whose work, however individual summed up an event, a period and the list is 101 including Mel Gibson's Passion and Woodstock, the Wizard of Oz and the Life of Sophie Scholl. The same applied to female singers departed with having collections of Billie Holiday and Nina Simone records and adoring Edith Piaf and "no regrets" in particular, although not finding an original site I settled for a tribute group, and the finding an original site it occurred that a group recreating her sound was more in keeping with my main project. But who should be number four?

So while I wrestled with such issues, I was contacted by strangers who wished to be added to my list and even being selective, the list rapidly approached the target of 101 which meant I had to begin to consider deletions, and then my technical ineptitude played its hand and I deleted a page instead of one individual. And then I decided to restrict the 24 to the departed and to symbols while considered what to do and then I had an idea which I ought to have had before, if I was better quick witted. I would create a separate MySpace 101 project site where the list of friends and everything else could be restricted to 101 and where the present site could become a development site for writing, communications and explorations.

So I tried the system and Eureka and WOW, the system has consented and so, having posted this, I go back to creating the new site and to my companions of the day and night.

1056 Black

At the conclusion of the film 2001 there is the scene where the space traveller is reaching the end of his life, having appeared to have lived in a room an eternity in comfort but alone with his knowledge and memories at one isolated point in the universe.He and his companions embarked on the journey after the unearthing of a black monolith on the moon which then appeared among the stars. The film had opened among early human life and the first appearance of the monolith.Blackness has become associated with death, the sinister, the secretive and the Gothic. Since separating myself into my being past and being present I have travelled through many portals re-examining previous and new experience, but did not decide on what part the concept would play in my work until an exhibition of sculptures by Eva Grubinger at the Baltic at Gateshead, Tyneside. I began the purchase of four drawer black filing cabinets to secure the confidentiality of previous life. There are ten in process at present placed to remind when I eat, work, relax and sleep.When the work is ready for exhibition the cabinets will be weld sealed although it is hoped that those who experience their presence will feel something of the power of the life now imprisoned.



༺ĖṴṖḪȪƦȈǠ༻

People are afraid of the color black because they do not understand that black is not the absense of ......that would be clear.In many cultures they viewed black as a color of great significance and protection. Even the gothic gargoyles most think creepy were supposed to be a sign of protection.It is also said that 98% of matter is what scientists call dark matter. This term is misleading because this dark matter they speak of only appears black to them.
Our pupils are only allowed to take in a controlled amount of light and when we look out into space it appears dark,but this is just illusion. If we were able to take in all light we would be blinded so the grand designer gave us smaller pupils only allowing us to take in the light energy that is directed at us. We literally turn a blind eye to light.In conclusion what we perceive as dark matter is merely light we cannot see!peace love chaos
Posted by ༺ĖṴṖḪȪƦȈǠ༻ on 14:04 - 14:39

1052 Artman Project Progress

I discovered my space in February 2007 after attending an X factor finalists concert, looked up the X Factor site and this lead to a MySpace site and the rest as they say is now, and tomorrow.

It has taken six weeks for MySpace to evolve into MySpace 101 a part work component of 101 9. 3. 39.

101 because I bought a book of 100 works which Saatchi suggested had changed British art by the commencement of the 21st century. I wanted to create 101.

We live at a time when everything that we do can be viewed, recorded and altered by anyone anywhere anytime with the technology of 1's and 0's.

Why 9.3.39. This is a recent renaming as originally when the project was commenced it was entitled monument to a failed dyslexic artist.

9 .3. 39 is my birthday and while I am not a numerologist I have been fascinated by the symmetry of 9. 3. 39 and more recently when for a period of two months my mother was aged 99 and me 66.

From the outset the project was to create one A4 size card to represent every hour of my life to the age 0f 65, in sets of 24 plus in addition an artman glitter frontispiece card (using glue glitter on photopaper) and a set signature card which included information on the set number and classification, and which in total will amount to over 500000 cards in over 20000 sets in volumes of folders with some in boxes.
While the period from birth to 65 is the core component, the work explores available information about ancestors and includes the process of work creation.

We live in era of forms of 24 hour reality experience in TV and the Internet and my argument is that for a creative work to be contemporary then the process of its creation is part of the work itself, just was we have belatedly understood that the life of every human being begins at conception and that our lives are the product of inherited genes, and with the experiences gained in the womb as significant as those during our formative years before we develop what we and others regard as our separate identities. The project is therefore divided into sets on the development of the work, those which chronicle events and experiences, those which are records including lists, such as all the films, live theatre and sporting events experienced, recorded music, voice and sounds, and my libraries of books audio and video material and homemade CDroms. The project is also known as public and private art because there are parts of my experience which should or must remain confidential, either because of the work I was engaged in, or because it involves the lives of others who are living and who have not agreed for their involvement in my life to make into a public work. In relation to MySpace, published Blogs, photos, comments are therefore a public part of the work but e mail communications are not, except by prior agreement. Confidential work will not be exhibited unless sealed in black filing cabinets which take the form of monoliths influenced by those in the films 2001 and 2010 and the black sinister sculptural work of Eva Grubinger. Other creative artists who have directly influenced are Tracey Emin, Bruce Nauman, Hanne Darbovan and Sarah Lucas, although my creative consciousness was formed out of Jazz, Promenade concerts at the Royal Albert Hall, Sculptural work of Rodin, Hepworth and Moore, squelch and splodger painters starting with John Bratby, the kitchen sink dramas of the 50's and 60's to Shakespeare, and diverse literary and poetic work from Betjeman, T S Elliot and Dylan Thomas to Byron and Keats, Lawrence Durrell, CP Snow and Anthony Powell to Virginia Wolf, Tolstoy and the Bronte's.

Why to 65? The age when society has determined that in general we should pass into a different phase of involvement in life. A better time would be between January 1999 when I discovered who my father was, a glorious epiphany of day in 2003 when I visited Saatchi and Tate Modern exhibitions, and when my mother reached the magical age of 100 years.

To-date 6200 sets are completed and 150000 cards. One autobiographical work 101 in Black and White, with 101 copies printed by the Daily and Mail and to be exhibited one day in 5 black and 4 white boxes under the title an attempt to convert the Daily Mail, together with 101 Black and white photos and 101 statements both in the form of A 4 Cards, a family history of the Smarts of Calne Wiltshire and the present work in progress 101 MySpace, 101friends, 101 Blogs, 101 comments and 101 photos selected to represent aspects of my life. Other component work planned includes a biographical work to be published Fragments of Time and Fragments of Memory, one on the relationship with my mother and the other on the relationship with a father I never knew in the form of a prolonged letter telling him about my creative development and search for an artistic identity, and a play about old age and severe memory loss with psychosis, God willing. May your God be always with you, especially those who have no concept of forces greater than their own self awareness?

1037 101 Progress review

This has become a day to look back on and assess if its impact lasts longer than its length. The day commenced with my feeling restlessness, deciding that I had to undertake the boring task of making records of completed work over the previous week.

It has been a week of contrasting activities. The first priority was to complete an appeal against the findings of the Health Ombudsman in relation to the premature and preventable death of the woman who had providing mothering in my childhood, and then the creation of a note following a private meeting with a small group of others with the Government Minister Health Minister at the end of last week to learn of out current concerns. The re were two dissatisfactions around my group table, the reality and the risks of present day hospital care and that Ministers had agreed to make major increases in the pay of doctors and senior nurses without improving the public accessibility and accountability.

I decided against going to a cinema theatre screening or to watching a live dance production at the Playhouse, in favour of some directed internet and my space searching, having previously gone with some instinctive flows of a musical orientation.

There were three portals entered. The first was the work of Sophie Calle, having decided to recreate my experience of a theatrical performance of Exquisite Pain and was pleasantly surprised that there were a thousand entries, and that these led me to a number of young artists, some not so young, in several forms. The second door was the friends of Tracey Emin. She, according to the media, had joined the Elizabeth wedding circus and media obsession, and the of searching the work of her friends had only developed part way before I came across the Tate site and this has been exciting, horizon widening and the discovery of what I hope will prove important work for my continuing learning and development.

I had woken earlier than usual for having gone to bed around 3am, and having only made one additional entry to both MySpace and the AOL Blogs, instead of what has become a standard of two and three. I postponed the boiled eggs and tea and decided to use the additional time available with some gentle MySpace exploring, but within a short while came across an image, which together with other information, provoked a situation where I had to try and say something in writing and then communicate. Having undertaken a couple of drafts I decided to send as a private email and then posted as new Blogs. Then after the over done boiled eggs and some delicious tea, gone are the days when I thought I needed coffee, I received the first comment to a MySpace Blog and this merited an immediate response which I enjoyed creating but then found I had quickly eaten into set task time and so I must now report that only a third was completed as my days ends.

Four new work development set bringing the total to 1835, three sets of artman glitter and signature cards bringing the total to 451, and then the new event sets about my space, with total over 1000 and then three confidential sets of my space private communications bring the confidential sets to 1350, a combined set total covering creative work and records of 6149 or 147576 individual cards.

This means that I have achieved less that fifty new registered sets this month although the minimum of 100 will be reached, but far short of the 150 plus of the New Year intention, and with still a couple of weeks work on 100th birthday celebrations albums, and spring underway, I may have to settle for accepting 100 a month as the realistic target for this year. Talking of spring I planted a dozen tulips in the bronze tin window boxes acquired for only 1.50 each from the local supermarket, and they are now about to flower, despite the forecast of snow this weekend. The amazing success of growing things or more accurately keeping things growing is that continuation of one of two pre Christmas flower pots for three months and with no sings of ending as has the first. I wish I had recorded their name. They are over 12inches in height above the pot rim and are top heavy with brilliant red flowers which measure up to three inches in length by a width of two. The difference between the two plants is remarkable and is the consequence if respective locations. The dishevelled one is on the kitchen sink surround, against the window, but where there is no heating except from when the cookers are lit or switched on. Yes I do have two, along with two refrigerator and two microwave ovens, just for my own use. The main cooker came with the house and has a giant oven and a grill which smokes burnt fat and cannot be cleaned away. I use a small electric over with grill, alongside a steamer. I only use one of the fridges, the one I brought with me, although the other makes a useful store. Anyway back to the Christmas flower pots, and another supermarket checkout bargain. The second is also on a surface (the day room table) against a window but over a central heating radiator. There is light through both windows through the Perspex type roof to the garage,, but the thriving plant is nearest the uncovered small patio space between the garage area and the back wall from where I can look out while sitting at this desk, with one eye on the telly if is on or listening to Gib radio as I am doing now, if I am too occupied to sort and change CD's.

I enjoyed lunch more than usual around midday, making use of a small chunk of cold beef from yesterdays hot evening ration, (four substantial portions for £5 with gravy and microwave time of 7 mins and yet another supermarket bargain), eaten with a mixture of cooked from frozen peppers and a small packet of steam fresh mixed veg, also from frozen. Today the midday salad was my usual concoction of a bed of thin chopped lettuce, some quartered slices of cucumber, a chopped pepper, today a red one, a handful of green olive stuffed with pimento and small chopped tomato, followed with a banana. Tonight after visiting my mother and a supermarket visit I baked a trout too lazy to do steam, finished off the mixed peppers and another small packet of mixed veg, followed by some water melon on its own. Again I was too in haste to do the fresh pineapple having purchased two for £2 instead of one of £.1 68 or £1.98. I have not become obsessional about price but for the past two weeks, if my mother in already prepared for bed and in her bedside chair with the telly on, we watch a programme called supermarket sweep challenge, where one game involves the three teams of two assessing the cost of selected items either the combined cost or whether an item costs more or less than another. I join in showing off that I know the prices although my mother is usually in a world of her own dimension, but my mother substitute aunt would have been tickled pink by this knowledge and application.

After the lunch I watched the 11th episode of Lost on DVD and enjoyed but also became puzzled by aspects and links which I cannot remember from previous episodes. Perhaps I had dozed off earlier in the week? It could be Sunday before I finish the disk and write up something of the experience and issues without too many spoilers.

I have decided to revisit the enlarged Ikea tomorrow morning as early as I can to acquire some black boxes for the creative work sets. Previously I had acquired 20 from Staples over a period of two years. They were attractive to look at but with irritating studded sides always coming apart and a surface which scratches easily, and comparatively expensive. Ikea has a similar product of same dimension in packs of 2 for less than a third of the price and they do not have the studded sides. I will try and get there before lunch and then go for a modem which will mean I can use broadband with Vista but that is another story for another day.

Mother did not cough once this evening during the hour I was with her which is encouraging and suggests the antibiotics is beginning to work. She has had the cough since a week after her birthday when half the home and staff caught the infection. So did I although it was no more than a cold fought off with some Lemsip and a couple of glasses of whisky before bed and some left over cough mixture from a similar cold experience a year previous. Talking of medication and health issues last Friday I learnt that one of the problems why the elderly are contracting fatal secondary infections in hospital is because of the excessive use of antibiotics and which sounds to me something of a Catch 22 situation I have received a notification through the post advising that I am to be given the opportunity to undertake a self administered bowel cancer check.

We also watched the local news tonight and the prospect of Switching from weekly to bi weekly rubbish collections. Locally the discipline of putting in some recycle stuff into boxes has taken time to become a habit so getting used to three bins for those with green waste gardens will need encouragement. Someone explained the other day on TV that to achieve an offset of 60% a domestic household would have to have no electric appliances or heating other than long life light bulbs and a cooker.

It is perhaps not surprising that I fell asleep during American Idol and missed several performance including that of Likesha but caught Ms Miranda Doolittle and agreed with the judges that because of the choice of song she was not as gob smacking skin tingling as before, but is in a league on a par with Leona Lewis although the styles are different, her jazz blues was out of this world. And I had an a more accurate out of the world experience when I woke up because having decided I was not up to more work sorting and registering I began another amble checking out listed friends of the Tate and followed one trail which led to a website and a piece written at the end of the last decade about artistic creativity which took me immediately back to what I had written at the start of the day. Who says that our experience is not circular, and the piece confirmed that my ideas are not original, and sadly several notches below the writing art of others? Coming upon the description of one art object in a Google search after I decided to add a comment to its my space image less than 24 hours ago it is just as well I am not financially dependent on what I do for a living.

1035 Creative Lost

I began MySpace searching for someone who is doing something similar to me so I can share and learn

And then I find a sound, a voice, a collection of words, an image of a work or of a person, which makes me say WOW, and it is the sound, voice, image, words which interest me as they have a life independent of their creator and I can communicate with them through my past and my present. This is why I am sad when I see MySpace images without a comment, sharing momentarily in their loneliness.

In order to create anything you must have an ego which is only selfish in the sense that you are giving time to working and which is consequently at the expense of time to be given to anyone else who needs you, parents, partners, children, strangers close and afar. However it is not considered selfish time by the work in creation. Biological females feel left out when their partners go off to work or on other non partnering things and biological males feel this even more when biological female partner become preoccupied with giving birth and nurturing because they understand the bond is lifelong and one where they can only become a part and not a whole.

Most people are able to cope with their separateness by merging with a life partner, and then with their own created family, but through this process, you lose your separate identity as well as your loneliness. Others achieve a balance through merging with a faith, spiritual, political, economic or social, and some with a substance and most through a combination achieved by trial and error for we rarely learn from the mistakes of others.

But then there are the creatives who know who they are, and who they will be and they are driven by the need to create and then to give independent freedom to their work

I believe all creative art comes from a need which transcends fame and fortune and the artist is driven irrespective of the outcome except of the need to ensure that the creation is experienced when its creator is unable to protect and nurture.

It is a belief that the work exists independently but only if it is experienced by other human beings who interact with all their past and their present.

So if you are a creative when you work you are not alone, but you have to find the form of creation which brings you satisfaction and a sense of achievement.

But beware sometimes the Gods punish by giving you what you wish for. They give you fame and financial success, your works are put in vaults or places where they are rarely seen, and the knowledge that you work feels alone will only bring you discontent.

You become well known and popular so that you get invited to this and that and soon there is no time to create and you have lost yourself in company of others.

Or you become so well known that the only way to be alone is to separate yourself from the world of other people using your new wealth to guard you and yours, and what life will they have if they are not the same as you, or if they are?

And then you find that you are also no longer free to go out of the prison you have created for yourself and experience all that there is to stimulate and inspire you to create, so you look to abandon your creativity and to merge yourself with others, an idea, or a substance.

You have entered through the portal of Creative Lost

“ya know part of the idea behind "magick" is being aware on a level in which you can learn to control that which you create by way of it's own design. People who "make stuff" are by default not any better than your alley tom cat; giving birth to one manifestation after another. There's a difference between having an original purpose behind creating a work, and recognizing your work as a child you brought into this world.

Art/writing/music/etc for me came by way of pure isolation. I spent most of my childhood in an ever changing prison. The only constants were books and the music my mother played and a deep longing to practice drawing the ideas that kept me company despite an utter lack of art supplies. I looked at art school as way to finally pursue art, and had that dream dissolved by the disinterest of others. I vowed to remain self taught until i met anyone who was ready to share knowledge with me. I’ve had my work stolen, destroyed, mocked ... but something rose to the surface... something seems to resonate through my methods of creativity. I guess in a way and I truly live for that.

"You’re right to warn people about the portal of creative lost... But to even KNOW of this is to have conquered it. It's Tomcats that are blind to this stage of creation.
Posted by Acrylick (at last) Alchemical on 15:03 - 15:25
Well that puts the gauntlet down. Interesting if it taken up by a trained artist, particularly a commercially successful one. My view is that most people engage in recreating historical art, particularly if it has become profitable. Historical art is any art which is not being created and does not reflect the experience of the contemporary moment. I enjoy historical art and it is great that there is a commercial industry where artists, critics, exhibitors, art lovers and speculators can all makes lots of money which they then spend on artists, critics, art lovers and speculators, and on others, to make more money and create more historical art work recreation opportunities.
This is a different concept from those who set out to make something which others subsequent regard as art and from those who set out"

1011 Project 1011 explained 7

The remaining aspect of categorization in my work is between a record of events and record of records. It is logical that if the purpose is to cover every aspect of one life then in addition to a chronicle of events, I should include the available trivia such as bills and income information.

Such information has a wider interest beyond an indication of a changing social situation, because it can be a measure of change in society. The purchase of a home computer, a subscription to Sky, the price of football season tickets, the purchase of a gramophone record, the first video, CD and DVD and MP3 player are a few examples.

Originally the start and cut off points were set at my conception and 65th birthday but this quickly was rejected as limiting. While it is not possible to trace genealogical inheritance back to 'Adam and Eve' with the help of others there is confirmed information to the 17 century. Having argued that the process working is integral to any creative activity output then, and then all experience which could affect working had to be recorded in someway, in the first instance through a mixture of open and confidential audio recordings and photographs of visual changes within and around the working environment in addition to the recording of outputs. Recording after 100 audio tapes stopped and for about a change a digital voice recorder was used, and then to a written account which developed into a Blog. The main reason for changes has been personal preference, but what influenced the preference?

Over 230000 photographs have been recorded, and only a proportion included as photocards. The dividing line between what should be classified as an event and a record is constantly under review. One arbitrary division has been the printing out of information provided by others on events and personalities in each of the years of self conscious existence, and treating this as background record. Another is census, church and registration records part of the ancestral investigations. Both are records of events but created and provided by others.

The smaller but important category has been classified as lists of records, the books, the photographic work, the audio collection, and the collections of programmes. There ought to be an overall related database, but a constant balance has to be fought for between building up a chronological biography of experience in a social context, between tackling material related to major components and the process of reliving previous experience, re reading a book, seeing a film on DVD, listening to audio experiences. There was a period in my life when I attended live Traditional sessions in central London and it was a fascinating detour to find out what happened to individual musicians of forty years ago and find internet sites listing their careers and outputs in comprehensive detail. My mother and the two sisters who brought me were great fans of Al Jolson, so only recently as part of writing something of her life where older sisters saw in the twentieth century while she and two sisters were alive for the start of the third millennium, I rented a video of the two Jolson films and discovered that all his work and working collaborations were covered on one of several internet sites.

At first I was conscious of the need to work in a disciplined was to a framework and a time table if I to have any hope of completing the task in ten years. I have mentioned the influence of the black structures of Hanne Darboven on the housing of confidential material. There has been a second and more important influence on the final appearance of these containers. Black objects which appear sinister and threatening can prove to be just that with the spaceship encountered after leaving the restaurant the end of the universe, but they can also contain the secret of the beginning of the universe such as in the works of 2001 ands 2010, and the TV series and films which has been created from the literature. 2010 became a target as did 2008 when Newcastle had hoped to become the European city of culture.

My approach towards going live about the process of working and testing reaction to a work likely to be only of interest to me, has changed since the decision was taken to commit myself to the project in its present form midday through 2003. Doing has become an end together with doing to the best my abilities which remain limited.

A 500 page biographical work with 101 photographs has been completed and printed but not published as such, because at some point I want to attempt to exhibit the 101 copies in a transparent sealed contained together with 101 photographs and 101 statements and explanations. A factual family history of my mother's English heritage has been completed and circulated to family and related family history interests. At present I am engaged in working on editions of a 100 year celebration of the life of my mother. There is one filing cabinet already full of confidential work related to try to discover the actual circumstances of the death of my aunt who provided mothering in childhood, and the causal relationships between sequences of events before had cutting across professions and institutional structures, and where enquiries are only going some four years later. There are a number of projects in a queue of priorities subject to review and where work has commenced. Studying Christianity, other religions and their text is one such project where I attempt to spend a little tine reading before sleep time, and then writing up when fresh in the morning. I try and learn a little Spanish on the ten minute car trip to and from visiting my mother and on other journeys whose radius is no more than a dozen miles, but usually less.

At the present count 6102 sets have been signed completed and indexed, 146448 individual cards. Over the four years I have taken two months off. The first when I felt I needed a break just to think read and experience sunshine and sunset and rain on skin. The second was practical, preparation to move after thirty years which included packing and indexes the contents of over 400 boxes, 100 of which remain to be explored, followed by the process of organising how I wanted my new home to look and feel. Last year the working output slowed down as I commenced a routine of daily exercise and reorganised the food bought, how it was cooked and consumed with the consequence of losing two stone and feeling that I might outlive my mother, and this year after a winter recess but with some indoor cycling exercise the programme to lose another stone and a half without a mention of the word diet, has commenced. But most of all I feel that I am a creative artist in perpetual being and that is beyond price or recognition for the work, although I would like it to have a life after I go through what could be the final portal.

1007 Project 101 explained 6

We live in the era when everything that we do can be filmed and heard, transmitted and viewed, recorded and edited, anywhere and anytime, with or without our knowledge, and the technology once controlled by governments and large corporations can be acquired by anyone.

Because the urge to exhibit and view is natural to the child, it is parent, school, church and society which places inhibitions on this biological inheritance, and over the past decade, because of the technology and a change in what is social acceptable, more and more people, from unknown individuals to international celebrities, are opening their lives, and their inner selves, to public scrutiny through 24 hour TV channels and internet web cameras. Some two decades ago, at an international residential management course, I suggested that people would pay to watch others performing the basic of living, and was ridiculed. To be ridiculed, sometimes with justification, is the lot of the contemporary creative, although ridicule is preferable to what happened to those who challenged and shocked society through their art in past times.

It seemed to me, in the autumn of 2002 and the spring of 2003, that following on from the brave activities of Sarah Lucas and others, anyone wanting to be considered a contemporary artist should be prepared to out their working lives under the same kind of scrutiny. Originally I envisaged a website, and a web can, but it was not just the technology which defeated me, but I found that I lacked the courage to expose myself in this way. There was also a practical problem in that I knew that the more effective I was in communicating my work, the likelihood would be less time to concentrate on its development and completion. While I was trying to work out my position I came across the information that Tracey Emin had attempted to open up her working environment only to find that the amount of public interest made the concept impractical, and she retreated to putting herself, body and soul on camera.

This remains a possibility, as I live on my own, and it is time for everyone to understand the realities of the aging flesh, and mind, before it happens to them, so they can prepare and take action to prevent or limit some of the more negative aspects. It was OK when most of us perished one way or another around three score years and ten, but it is estimated that there are 11000 people aged 100 years and more in England and Wales, including my mother, and the evidence is that this number will double every decade over the next half century.

I have always shared the view of the media that if someone courts publicity, if they hold a public position, or if they seek to affect, or influence the lives of others, then who they have been, and who they have become, cannot be excluded from being of potential public interest. However this should only apply to the individual, and not to their family, friends and work colleagues. Consequently there is no justification, whether as an artist, or not, to use information gained in confidence, protected by law, or under natural justice, and this includes relationships with a partner or partners, with children and their children, and whoever, unless there is not only agreement in advance, but those affected have understanding of the potential implications of any such agreement. There are two acceptable exceptions to such an approach. If the individual, or the matter, is already the subject of publicity, or in the public domain, but even then, one should take account of what effect anything said will have the individual, their work, their family and friends.

The second is if the individual is no longer alive, although the responsibility remains to take account of the likely effect on others and potential consequences. I was brought up a Catholic where my understanding has been that one should take full responsibility for ones conscience and ones behaviour, ones soul; but not for anyone else. Obviously this does not apply if one holds a position which involves others; although I accept each of us has to take responsibility for what we do and for its consequences and this means leaving others to guard their own interests.

There have been some matters where it was immediately clear cut what could be made available to the public and what could not. I signed the official secrets act at one point in my life which covered information provided in confidence by the state and information and decisions shared with colleagues as a second inspector of social services for the Department of Health in relation to the prevention and treatment of the misuse of drugs (legal and illegal substances). In my main occupational activity information is protected by a large number of statutes and through contracts of employment, and in relation to one matter my position has been clarified through an agreement in the High Court. Recently I was studying the new constitution for the citizens of Gibraltar and noted that privacy protection was being given to private correspondence.

Other aspects of the rule have been more difficult to apply in practice to a work which attempts to cover a life comprehensively, much like Lipsynch appeared to me to try and be a work of total theatre.

I decided that I would include confidential material as part of the work but it would be kept under lock and key and five large, four door filing cabinets were acquired, and later the number was increased to ten. The idea was not just to keep confidential and sensitive material under lock and key but to place the cabinets around the home, at the end of my bed, in the middle of a living room, and prominently in the kitchen, so that they would be a constant reminder of my responsibilities and obligations to others.

And then I made another visit to the Tyneside Baltic and discovered the work of Eva Grubinger and felt an immediate affinity. I had chosen black for the colour of the filing cabinets. This reflected my mood and inclination although I could have selected red, the traditional colour for confidentiality and the colour of the volume binders used for the first 1500 sets or so. Eva's Baltic exhibition was of black sculptural forms and in the accompanying notes she made reference to secrecy associated with the colour and also that it could indicate something sinister. Sometimes there is a flash of what to do next, and there is not need to reflect further. I could put confidential work on display, but only if the cabinets were properly sealed with welded black covers. This created subsequent problems in addition to the fact that I did not have the funds to carry out this solution, because one sealed I would no longer have access to the contents along with everyone else. There were other reasons why the idea of exhibiting the work as a project in development, was put into abeyance, but the overriding reason was that the step would only be taken when I was satisfied I would no longer need access to the confidential aspects, and without which the work would lose significance.

I have visited the Baltic several times, and since then there have been two exhibits where I felt WOW, but Eva Grubinger was the first.

1007 Project 101 explained 6

We live in the era when everything that we do can be filmed and heard, transmitted and viewed, recorded and edited, anywhere and anytime, with or without our knowledge, and the technology once controlled by governments and large corporations can be acquired by anyone.

Because the urge to exhibit and view is natural to the child, it is parent, school, church and society which places inhibitions on this biological inheritance, and over the past decade, because of the technology and a change in what is social acceptable, more and more people, from unknown individuals to international celebrities, are opening their lives, and their inner selves, to public scrutiny through 24 hour TV channels and internet web cameras. Some two decades ago, at an international residential management course, I suggested that people would pay to watch others performing the basic of living, and was ridiculed. To be ridiculed, sometimes with justification, is the lot of the contemporary creative, although ridicule is preferable to what happened to those who challenged and shocked society through their art in past times.

It seemed to me, in the autumn of 2002 and the spring of 2003, that following on from the brave activities of Sarah Lucas and others, anyone wanting to be considered a contemporary artist should be prepared to out their working lives under the same kind of scrutiny. Originally I envisaged a website, and a web can, but it was not just the technology which defeated me, but I found that I lacked the courage to expose myself in this way. There was also a practical problem in that I knew that the more effective I was in communicating my work, the likelihood would be less time to concentrate on its development and completion. While I was trying to work out my position I came across the information that Tracey Emin had attempted to open up her working environment only to find that the amount of public interest made the concept impractical, and she retreated to putting herself, body and soul on camera.

This remains a possibility, as I live on my own, and it is time for everyone to understand the realities of the aging flesh, and mind, before it happens to them, so they can prepare and take action to prevent or limit some of the more negative aspects. It was OK when most of us perished one way or another around three score years and ten, but it is estimated that there are 11000 people aged 100 years and more in England and Wales, including my mother, and the evidence is that this number will double every decade over the next half century.

I have always shared the view of the media that if someone courts publicity, if they hold a public position, or if they seek to affect, or influence the lives of others, then who they have been, and who they have become, cannot be excluded from being of potential public interest. However this should only apply to the individual, and not to their family, friends and work colleagues. Consequently there is no justification, whether as an artist, or not, to use information gained in confidence, protected by law, or under natural justice, and this includes relationships with a partner or partners, with children and their children, and whoever, unless there is not only agreement in advance, but those affected have understanding of the potential implications of any such agreement. There are two acceptable exceptions to such an approach. If the individual, or the matter, is already the subject of publicity, or in the public domain, but even then, one should take account of what effect anything said will have the individual, their work, their family and friends.

The second is if the individual is no longer alive, although the responsibility remains to take account of the likely effect on others and potential consequences. I was brought up a Catholic where my understanding has been that one should take full responsibility for ones conscience and ones behaviour, ones soul; but not for anyone else. Obviously this does not apply if one holds a position which involves others; although I accept each of us has to take responsibility for what we do and for its consequences and this means leaving others to guard their own interests.

There have been some matters where it was immediately clear cut what could be made available to the public and what could not. I signed the official secrets act at one point in my life which covered information provided in confidence by the state and information and decisions shared with colleagues as a second inspector of social services for the Department of Health in relation to the prevention and treatment of the misuse of drugs (legal and illegal substances). In my main occupational activity information is protected by a large number of statutes and through contracts of employment, and in relation to one matter my position has been clarified through an agreement in the High Court. Recently I was studying the new constitution for the citizens of Gibraltar and noted that privacy protection was being given to private correspondence.

Other aspects of the rule have been more difficult to apply in practice to a work which attempts to cover a life comprehensively, much like Lipsynch appeared to me to try and be a work of total theatre.

I decided that I would include confidential material as part of the work but it would be kept under lock and key and five large, four door filing cabinets were acquired, and later the number was increased to ten. The idea was not just to keep confidential and sensitive material under lock and key but to place the cabinets around the home, at the end of my bed, in the middle of a living room, and prominently in the kitchen, so that they would be a constant reminder of my responsibilities and obligations to others.

And then I made another visit to the Tyneside Baltic and discovered the work of Eva Grubinger and felt an immediate affinity. I had chosen black for the colour of the filing cabinets. This reflected my mood and inclination although I could have selected red, the traditional colour for confidentiality and the colour of the volume binders used for the first 1500 sets or so. Eva's Baltic exhibition was of black sculptural forms and in the accompanying notes she made reference to secrecy associated with the colour and also that it could indicate something sinister. Sometimes there is a flash of what to do next, and there is not need to reflect further. I could put confidential work on display, but only if the cabinets were properly sealed with welded black covers. This created subsequent problems in addition to the fact that I did not have the funds to carry out this solution, because one sealed I would no longer have access to the contents along with everyone else. There were other reasons why the idea of exhibiting the work as a project in development, was put into abeyance, but the overriding reason was that the step would only be taken when I was satisfied I would no longer need access to the confidential aspects, and without which the work would lose significance.

I have visited the Baltic several times, and since then there have been two exhibits where I felt WOW, but Eva Grubinger was the first.

1005 Project 101 explained 5

The third artist whose work immediately influenced was Hanne Darboven, who on my first visit was exhibiting index cards. I had used badly scrawled index cards in the days before the computer database, and this led me to think in terms of converting all my existing record cards, indexes, and lists into my project. From an internet search I learnt that since the 1960's Hanne had also focused her art work on daily writings which sent a shiver of excitement at the discovery of another connection, although it also raised that constant question of what can be said to be original to any individual and not part of the genealogical and cultural subconscious.

The fourth artist impressed at the time in a different way because of what I learnt about his social and political interests. Not only did Joseph Beuys believe that everyone is an artist in some form, but he had argued against the artist becoming so self interested and absorbed by their work that they separated themselves from the political and social causes and movement of their time. Because of cost and its practicality, I had invested in the cheapest available free standing black shelving available to display completed volumes and also a display of previous technology and communications stuff. Two years later when rewriting my original notes I found that before my visit to Tate Modern there has been a ten room showing of his work and that photographs and descriptions were retained on the internet site, and where in one room he had used almost identical shelving to exhibit an array of objects.

One of my many weaknesses is the failure to repeat mistakes with a rapidity which confirmed the learning difficulties of childhood. I had intentionally not taken a notebook around with me at Saatchi for the same reason that I frequently do not have a camera when attending important functions. I want to be part of the event, to give myself fully to the experience, and the note book or camera, only reinforces always being the outsider, the observer looking in. The notebook had been retrieved at Saatchi and then packed away in coats and bags at the Tate. At the end of the visit I bought Bill Drummonds, "How to be an artist" because of the way he made up photographs and used text. I liked the idea of superimposing himself through an object placed in an every day environment and subsequently took a series of photographs of his opened book held by a teddy bear among my installation as it had then developed. Realising that I was unlikely to remember the names of everyone who had interested I rushed around the public galleries writing names and notes about who had done what in one the inside cover to the Drummond book with the intention of making a second visit as soon as I could. I had only stood for a few minutes among the screens of Bill Viola's 'Five Angels of the Millennium.' convinced that I had seen something similar at the Gateshead Garden festival years before. While unable to confirm this from the programme of the event, the work was still showing on the second Tate visit, and I watched the cycle of each screen, and than of the whole and then of the extent to which almost every visitor walked through, or lingered for moments to gain an impression, but no one else was interested enough to view the full experience as had occurred during the full performance of 'Bad Boy, Good Boy,'

Last Autumn I was part of an audience that sat through two and a half hours of Exquisite Pain during which time one actor from the Enforced Theatre Company recounted the same experience forty to fifty times with only small variation, while another recounted different experiences of various forms of pain. What was the difference between the two audiences? A feature of the Newcastle audience is that no payment was asked for money in advance and people were not required to contribute but most did, with ten pound notes in evidence in the glass contained as well as few of £20, and even those on student grants from the adjacent university put in pound coin.

On that first I also enjoyed the invisibility of Supata Biswas, Sam Taylor Wood's "Decaying Still life DVD", Cornelia Parker's Exploded view and which causes me to think of raising funds to blow up what I am doing if it fails, or if succeeds, and no one wants to curate when I die. I also noted down Vitto Acconi and Mark Dion, but cannot remember why. The correspondence art work also interested and reminded memories of the postal chess played as a young man.

How much of the experiences led to the creation of the first set of 24 cards, homage to Tracey Emin, and then the decision to develop the work into the present project two months later, cannot be disentangled from other events. After nearly four years of continuous toil there are no regrets.