1122 101 Project and past 7 days review

It is only a week since my last uploaded writing, the consequence of technical problems, the decision to upload photographs, and ongoing task, participation in outdoor activities, in part a serious effort to reduce weight sand improve fitness, some household work and some emotionally challenging situations over which I had little or not influence.

On the journey to the Diana concert I took a major decision about autobiographical writing deciding to set aside the work on Fragments of Memory and Fragments of Time for one composite work, centred on what experience, reason and some research indicated was a criminal scam, but which I hoped was not. Almost as soon as I devised the framework for the new work, I received confirmation that I had been chasing a fantasy, an illusion and the framework was shattered.

I had mentioned to a friend studying Literature that I had written a novel and following an expression of interest in reading the work I tried to find the disk on which I had transferred the original manuscript from Amstrad loco script to Microsoft Word and knew that I want to lose myself in recreating the work as my main task for 2007 and into 2008. I am pleased with the first 24 doubled lined pages and decided to attend to some household tasks and to finish the uploading of photographs.

Since July 2003 I have taken 250000 digital photos, over 200000 of these are of the 165000 completed cards with rest a mixture of specific projects on the seasons, visits related to previous experience an individual projects which interested me or part of personal and confidential matters. As with the crayoning and use of pastels they are intended to reflect development from childhood to adulthood, middle and old age and individually are not intended as free standing work but part of the whole. Many of those presently uploaded will last until I am ready to go through completed work and all the non work photographs and decide which I like most as representing the overall work and its development.

The golden rule applies that no one other than my mother and me will be identifiable unless permission has been given or the photo has already been published such as that when I organised a gathering at Parliament, technically an individual Member of the Commons hosted, to mark the passage of the 1969 Children and Young Person's Act, coinciding with the end of the Labour Government which supported the measure and the arrival of the new Conservative administration which opposed several key components. It was an important event in my life but insignificant in terms of the political and social changes which then followed. Some photographs will require time taking research. Over the years, my photograph appeared regularly in the local paper together with regular references to the work of the department I managed, I would send the cuttings to my mother which were kept in scrapbooks, but which were then destroyed as part of her illness. There are over 5000 editions of the local evening paper to be checked, and to be comprehensive there are two regional dailies and two other area evening papers and one regional Sunday which would require checking, unless the editors were prepared for someone to make copies of whatever they have kept on file.

A different kind of problem covers the photographs, some faded, the slides and the negatives from the period 1966-2003 before the digital camera was purchased. This process has commenced but it slow and tends to make way for other work which is of greater interest, until as now I wish I had devoted more time. The present frame work is of one set of 101 of me and one of homes, and work places, the one on my mother and of the family homeland, there are two on the seashore and one on the sky, with one on the garden year. The two which will take longer to complete are those on the work development and on completed work.

I also embarked on adding music and other video's from the Myspace collection, a treasure trove and where I am not sure if the profile will take 101 without freezing or taking time to then download.
I have been so busy doing and experiencing that I have not made daily notes or written up some important to me cultural events. I will make time for this weekend's mouth of the Tyne festival, the third, especially after this year going over by ferry to Tynemouth to visit the trad jazz stage and discovering that it was located next to the Rock of Gibraltar restaurant and pub, and where the staff explained in true Geordie that it was given the name because on a clear day you could see it!

During the past ten days I got to see the most beautiful love story and gripping mystery thriller "Don't Tell her," which if it does not receive the 2008 Best non English language film I will want to know why. This was the film I thought I was seeing a fortnight Friday. I also found watching United 93 almost unbearable. Cronos on DVD, the forerunner of, the Devil's Backbone, Pan's Labrynth, or so I thought only to find that it was not!

1117 Tate Modern and Dance at Royal Festival hall

08.30.04.07.2007. On Saturday June 30th as I travelled the underground to Waterloo station torrential rain began to savage the streets of London, creating disappointment among thousands of families and couples making their way to destinations in the open air. My plan had been to travel one more station and walk along the Embankment along to Tate modern and then later along to the rebuilt Royal Festival Hall for a quick look and lunch and then to the Saatchi, before returning to Victoria for a visit to Brighton for an evening meal. Such was the rain on the station roofing that I changed plan and decided to exit the Waterloo closest to the London Eye and make a dash for Saatchi, using my small umbrella, but not the waterproofs packed in the rucksack.

The rucksack was already proving an excellent purchase, back sculptured with built in cushioning, straps to spread the weight and a multitude of compartments and pockets which enabled items to be organised for different uses. It was suitable for a day trip, rather than for prolonged trekking adventures. I could not run too fast because the downpour was such that my trouser bottoms were in danger of being soaked. And then I had a surprise. Saatchi had disappeared. There was nothing for it but to find the first public entrance to the former County Hall building and use the outfit intended for the Sunday concert. I then made my way along the embankment to the Royal Festival Hall where I decided to take a quick look and discovered that at 2.30 there was to be a dance event to celebrate the reopening after the rebuilding. The first impression was that the building appeared to be little different from what I could remember before, a concert hall within a concrete structure shielded from the noise of the passing trains, and where outside the only noticeable difference was the new attractive walking bridge alongside the railway, and which provided one of the great vistas of the city of London, and one of the great city vistas of the modern world.

I had resisted a temptation to find out what films were showing at the National Film Theatre but passing the National Theatre building a notice board of events included the word free and closer inspection revealed the Tango music concert at 1pm. The day was being reshaped. At the Tate I took the lift to the level 5 without any prior knowledge of how the collections were being organised and presented. The focus of Idea and Object was Minimalism but with reference to the antecedent Constructivism and which paved the way for Conceptual and Installation art. There was much to interest the student of the development of contemporary art, but not me, and although previously the work of Joseph Beuys had attracted my attention, this was because of the man and his ideas behind the work, rather than the work itself.

I was still shocked by the disappearance of Saatchi, given the decision to break from a previous decision that I would not revisit until it was to view my work and could give the Tate, the attention the exhibition merited.

The second collection was organised under the title State of Flux and was devoted to the evolvement of Cubism, Futurism and Vorticism. There was nothing which entertained, provoked WOW or made me reassess the direction of my own work. And then, and then, I turned into Room 3 "After Impressionism," and there it was, first seen half a century before as the star attraction at the Tate, Rodin's Le Baiser.

I realised that I only I remembered part of the work. Then, before my first experience of wondrous female flesh wanting to give to you, she, Francesca de Rimini, giving her adulterously sexuality, had set the ideal. Then as now, she, they, in their nakedness could not be described as erotic, contrary to the present day Tate internet site notes, and in fairness to Rodin he is said to have described the pose as a "large sculptured knick knack following the usual formula". (I will leave what I regard as qualifying as eroticism to another day). She was also of fuller figure and more mature than had been my memory.

What I had forgotten was my reaction fifty years ago to the form of Paolo Malatesta. At the age of sixteen or seventeen, continuing until I was approaching thirty, I was slim size zero, although my legs had developed through cycling. He, Paolo was rugged, enveloping his mistress who herself was no virgin bride. As a consequence of his form I had contemplated a body building Charles Atlas programme, but I lacked the resolve and incentive.

Nearby the statue was the Picasso Girl in a Chemise and the Matisse Standing Nude, but the Le Baiser was all that I could cope with, at least in terms of experiencing an actual work and not its image. There were so many other memories to digest as half a century of experiences presented themselves as if standing looking on to banks of video screens.

I was ready to leave, but my attention was then directed to a large single video screen encompassed in an engaging red three sided and roofed enclosure mounted over the stairs which lead to the balcony overlooking the great Turbine Hall, with cushions to encourage visitor to stop and sit, if one could get down and then get back up. I wish I knew the words to describe the geometric shapes of the enclosure because it engaged me as something more attractive and compelling than most of the work I had seen on display. I know this says more about me than the work, but I hoped someone at the Tate Modern would take pleasure from me mentioning that their construction merited longer term display, especially as the two films were brilliant, succinct and clear explanations of the connections between movements told by the artists themselves and an umbrella commentary.

Afterwards I went in search of the video and later still, wished I had changed my mind about going to the National Theatre for lunch and for the Tango and re-watched the films and made notes. I curse I curse I curse my inability to remember even when I concentrate, am engaged and desperately want to remember.

Before leaving the Tate I had one task to perform which was to remove my soaking shirt, replacing with the sleeveless jacket and the weatherproof, after using paper towels to dry my upper torso. At the Royal Festival Hall I found a seat overlooking the ballroom dance floor against a pillar and hung the shirt over the adjacent seat to dry while I had my after meal siesta, and watched the performers limber up.

At least from the provided programme I thought I knew what to expect. Around 2pm the dancers and musicians had been given little memento gifts and sent off to their designated changing rooms with the reminder that they were on stage from the moment they changed into their costumes until they returned to their everyday wear.

At 2.30 instead of the company returning to perform we, the would be audience, were summoned onto the huge dance floor and told to attach ourselves to one of waiters waving white napkins. Each party was then taken on an exploration of the building from basement level to top, or from top to basement, and those who know the RFH will appreciate that it is a vast warren of rooms and spaces with restaurants and bars, surrounding its primary function, a large concert theatre appropriate for a capital of Europe.

At every space at every level there were over 100 dancers and musicians performing dance and mime, sometimes a solitary man at work over a desk or transporting toxic and dangerous substance, sometimes a couple, or a group, sometimes a group of musicians.

I quickly sussed that it was best to find something which I liked and enjoyed and then move on ignoring the crowd management of the stewards. I was not the only one who worked this out, and therefore there was some chaos. This was a good approach because after half an hour everyone was called to the ballroom for a half hour finale of passionate dance, which banished all the prejudices against classical ballet, not because of Billy Elliot male and cultural stereotyping, but it was too structured and predictable. The combination of individual or small group work experienced in close up and the ensemble performances viewed from the second floor balcony converted me to going to experience some dance at the Northern playhouse next season.

The overall work is entitled "Space Between" and was performed at 5 and 10.30 pm on June 29th and 2.30 June 30th and was three years in the making to mark the reopening of the building, and a collaboration between the South Bank Centre whose administration now covers the three concert buildings and the Hayward, the CandoCo Dance Company, and Newham Sixth form College (the New Vic). Some 200 individuals were involved in creating and performing the work including several in wheel chairs and one remarkable young man with cerebral palsy who proved that it is possible to anything to the highest level of ability if you are singled minded and have talent. He was the uncontested star as the audience response indicated.

The individual performances around the building were exceptional because the artists had to work for half an hour while diverse groups stopped by, looked and moved on much like animals in a zoo. They are unlikely to face a more challenging situation in their professional lives.

The South Bank of the Thames is now a very exciting place, as is London, and if one could be satisfied with a one bedroom tiny flat, anywhere located, the availability of free travel throughout the capital, and free museums, galleries and free shows, it is possible to have a full life of old age experience with sufficient over from my pension to pay for a wide range of other events. But there would be no time for work, especially if one or more companions were found to share some of the experiences.

It was a momentary thought which quickly passed.

The shirt dried but was left to Victoria before changing. However this did have one potentially embarrassing moment as on reaching Embankment station I opened the jacket to reach for the day travel ticket in the non existent shirt top pocket and then forgot to re-zip leaving a large expanse of hairy chest until realising my situation on reaching the platform. Well if anyone noticed it was gay pride day for exposing flesh, although mine is not a pretty sight. I put the shirt back on at Victoria and caught the right train and was struck once more that because of the surrounding geography the approach to Brighton Station gives no hint that one has reached the English Channel.

1094 Project 101 progress review

This day Monday is turning out to be a Bob Geldorf Monday. My intention last night was to complete the set work yesterday while writing something and this created the first problem because I was not in a thinking creative mood. The choice appeared to be between writing up a holiday and meal occasions remembered at the hotel where I first stayed in the autumn of 1973 prior to my interview and appointment as a local authority chief officer and where I had a meal once more, a week ago.

Something, which I cannot remember a couple of hours later, led me to think that I needed to reflect on the fourth anniversary since commencing full time work on project 101 on July 1st 2003 and I quickly realised that I only had a broad recollection of how the work had progressed and that I needed to check records, and then to my horror I discovered that some digital records could not be found, although I had a printed record, but worse still I had become lazy about the keeping of some records which will be important in years to come.

The day was reorganised and after a salad lunch with an unbuttered roll and a mini siesta watching Bargain Hunt, I directed myself to making a summary record. I had spent too much time with one eye of Big Brother House and I must soon decide if this enthusiasm is to be maintained or abandoned. I arranged my travel to London for the Diana concert on July 1st, going by train and return by coach; although on reflection it is such a long journey I may re book by train later this evening.

As previously recorded the 101 project has it seeds in the opening of the Baltic in 2002, the film of the life of Jackson Pollock and the purchase of two books, in particular the last two chapters of the Stangos Edited Concepts of Modern Art. Then after an important break involving three diverse life changing events I had visited the Saatchi and Tate Modern on a Spring Day in 2003 I knew not only what I wanted to do but how to do it. It was after a fourth event which shocked and devastated after a first visit to Gibraltar at the end of May 2003 that the decision was taken to commence full time work on July 1st , having planned to commenced on the 65th birthday in March 2004. July 1st was also the day that I was advised I had won a joint BT Tate competition with prizes which included a state of the art BT phone and the Tate companion to British art. It appeared to be a good omen.

The first decision had been to the test out my concept by anonymously sending a sample set to eight critics, artists, exhibitors and art media interests. There were three reasons for doing this: 1- A commitment to the project; 2- An attempt to find out if anyone else had previously thought, or was working on something similar and 3- to see if there was a reaction or any interest. At the time I was debating if I should attempt to raise funds to maintain the former family home, or start afresh elsewhere.

I decided against acquiring the knowledge and technology to put myself on line but kept a record through a mixture of open access and confidential audio tapes which I continued until 101 90 mins tapes were completed. I commenced to digitally photo each completed set or volume of sets, and these photos comprise the about three quarters of the 350000 photos taken to-date. I also commenced a record of how the work was displayed around the house, of the garden year and of the immediate environment as well as visits to former residential and occupational homes and offices. Some 20 hours of unedited film was also taken in the first two years of the project.

While I can list the main project work activities without reference to records, I need to have a better memory of how the work progressed. My first activity was to work with crayons and then with pastels. I made a visit to Oxford to where I had studied and worked 1961-1967 and to Teddington and Ealing where I had then moved and worked 1967-1970. Later in the year I translated by 1993 completed unpublished novel into creative set work and before the end of the year a list of all published writing. There were also the records of my confidential records of the Department of Health Drug Advisory Service visit to Oxfordshire in 1989. Between July 1st and December 31st 2003 I created 413 sets an average of 68 a month.

During the first quarter of 2004 a major project involved former work and homes and then my diary of events covering a ten year period from 1988. There were field trips to former homes in Yorkshire and Cheshire, and to Manchester and Birmingham where I had undertaken practical work and attended the University and a second visit to Oxford. There was work on the Drug Advisory visit to East Suffolk. The major field trips were to Calne, in Wiltshire and Gibraltar, as I recommenced work on the family history. There was information on financial history from Bills and receipts and systematic work on my creative writings from the early 1960's to the mid 1980's. I remembered that I had lent my only copy of a play which was not returned. In the late 1960 I had written a weekly report on child care social work matters raised in Parliament through Hazard and these had been sold to local authorities, voluntary organisations, training institutions and government departments, as well as writing a loose political column each month for a professional journal. I undertook some work on my support of Football and the great share dealing adventure when I had turned £1000 into £7000 in a matter of weeks and then lost everything when the stock market crashed. In 2004 I produced over 1600 new sets at an average of 135 a month.

The spring of 2005 was devoted to creating a chronicle of events 1939-2004 and to the writing of an autobiographical work 101 in Black and White where 101 copies were privately printed and which are likely to form a work for exhibition, in black and white boxes 9.3.39 together with 101 photos and 101 statements. There was component set making such as the period of involvement with non violent civil disobedience and direct action, some college tutorial work and confrontation with trade union and political extremists. The anniversary year came to end with the sale of the former family home and moving to my present location. There was further work on personal history with my interest in Jazz and the years of adult and further education, and professional work training. In the autumn of 2005 major work was commenced on family history with the development of on line searches of census records and church records before the creation of the national records of births, marriages and deaths in 1837. Despite moving home 2005 has been my most productive work year with just under 2000 sets completed at a monthly average of over 160.

2006 was devoted to family history research and a major visit to Calne to study original church record. This led to an amazing discovery of a Tithe Map of all properties drawn to scale with a register of all owners and renting occupiers and which showed the property where my mother's great grandfather and his extraordinary wife gave birth to seven daughters in succession and then five sons. I walked into the local history centre on the same day that a distant relative who had once lived in the same street as the great grandfather were visiting and being shown a photograph of an ancestor. A family history to 1901 covering information and photos was produced in three versions. This work is basis of a work about my relationship with my mother.

It was after the completion of this part of the project that I decided to create the AOL Blog from May 2006 to April 2007 and which has 900 entries. Each day I made one to three entries chronicling work and other activities, and a review of a cultural experience which had some reference back to life before 2003 when the project was commenced. There was also a back up record of some 50000 photographs, primarily of development work. I was not aware of any readership but the writing was checked to ensure it met the rules of the project and therefore it was not a comprehensive truth because thoughts and feelings related to known living individuals were excluded unless there was prior approval or the issue had been made public. There were also those matters restricted by statute. The writing of the Blog provided a structure for the day although this remained secondary to the main project task recreating my previous self aware life.

During the second half of 2006 I worked on the records of a child care inquiry when I had accepted an invitation with the approval of my employers in the early 1980's and where because of matters uncovered I drafted the majority report, although it was carefully rewritten and agreed by three of the four panel members of the inquiry. There were important lessons about inquiries within a legal framework there were some fifty lawyers ranging from Queen's Counsel to office assistants involved on behalf of the main interests. Those who had warned and complained, neighbours, foster parents had to rely on panel members to listen to their interests. The inquiry lasted 3 months and the study of the documentation and writing of the published report took a further year, undertaken early morning before commencing my normal managerial responsibilities 1855 new sets were completed in 2006, at an average of over 150 a month. I completed inventories of Books, of audio sounds and visual films in the media format of fifty years. I read and I listen trying to recapture the original experience and re-evaluate from the perspective of subsequent experience.

This year over the first five months the rate of new work has fallen significantly but remains over 100 a month. I have been considering why this has been so, and why I have not pursued some activities where there had been great enthusiasm and a sense of priority.

Yesterday I watched a programme about the life of the Comedian Benny Hill who devised his work and TV programmes and became an internal celebrity because of the visual nature of work. Various friends and admirers mentioned that he liked his own company, overeat and drank when he lost his new work contract, but that he liked to be in company but chose to control when and with whom. This was me but no longer.

It commenced last year with the experience of live theatre, and switching from seeing current cinema in theatre to the study of films and film makers centred on Ingmar Bergman and Almodovar with some 40 viewings todate.

Then there has been the impact of my Space discovered by accident having attended the live performance of X factor finalists and doing some homework on the artists. My interest quickly developed as a means of fulfilling the original intention that the process of my work should open to anyone interested in addition to the open part of the work itself. I also commenced to trawl the profiles of others and their friends to find those whose lives touched on aspects of my previous experience, and then discovered tribute sites to many of those who had significantly influenced my development. However this has had several unexpected consequences. It has led to important real live interactions and experiences where the links with time past has been stretched.
That my mother has reached 100 years also has had its impact, although being able to make almost daily visits, since her move locally approaching three years ago, has been more profound, because we have both had the relationship we never had as a child. Until now I have known what it was like to grow up without a meaningful relationship with one or both biological parents and only guessed at what it would be like to have had that unique relationship with a biological mother and flesh to flesh bonding father. This is not to imply that that all such relationships are good and appropriate, and enable children to grow up as productive and effective members of society and with constructive relationships with subsequent partners and their own children.

Too often when politicians and media comment and moan about the loss of Englishness, they are referring to a narrow sub culture created by heredity and industrial revolution wealth, which dominated and had authority over Victorian society, and which continued until the early part of the reign of Queen Elizabeth. The majority culture has always been very different but without power. This has changed significantly over the past two decades. The composition of the British Isles has become European and International. The majority of young people are involved in liberating adult education and our cities and major towns have been given over to their culture and entertainment as well as to their education. The internet digital revolution has not only transformed what we see and hear but how we see and hear, but had rapidily sidelined politicians and the political process. People not only watch but vote in their millions Big Brother, Idol and X Factor. Business has become global with the capacity to switch everything to where goods can be produced most cheaply, and managements and research to where the best can function the most effectively. Meanwhile religions and ideologues murder and create havoc in order to justify their continuation and authority.

I was stuck in a limbo between a vanishing minority but powerful English culture and a new forced from which I felt and was to a certain extent excluded. I suddenly find that I am able to live in the world wide culture of the present. This requires a revaluation of how I am using my time and work priorities.

interesting blog. Posted by ~ Z ~ on 12:06 - 12:44

1064 Artman Creative

Recently an artist contact disclosed to the world that without a studio their artistic production environment was a garage, with the consequence that work had to be disposed off in some way before new creations could be commenced. This implied that the rest of their home was normal in terms of what normality is for those whose lives do not become taken over by their work. Visual and other forms of creative artists are not the only beings whose homes reflect their obsessions and fanatical interests. Programmes about collectors have revealed homes where every nook and cranny is filled with books, with objects and memorabilia of some form, and animals, from traditional domestic pets to creatures of the wild.

I have always been loath to throw anything away as a consequence of regretting the decision in my youth to "change" and dispose of everything which represented the being I wished to escape from. However I assumed that keys aspects of my life until then such as school reports and basic information of my childhood would be retained by my mother and remain available if needed. Alas when in the midst of the illness of severe memory loss with psychosis, and she saw anyone and everyone, including family members as enemies, she destroyed almost everything that I might have wanted to know and treasure. When the aunt who provided mothering died prematurely it was too late and contact with over a dozen surviving first cousins in England, the Mediterranean and the USA confirmed that there were significant gaps in the family history, in that no one had a photo of my mother's father and mother, and no one knows where her paternal parents are buried. It is unlikely this void will be filled although I will make another effort later in the year.

The interior of domestic homes should say something about the lives of their owners, and which they consciously wish to project, even if this is "I am a follower of fashion," or it is all a compromise because of my income, my background, my partner and children all having their say, and quite rightly too because it is their space and well as "my space."

I am revising this having floundered around for a few hours uncertain how to make the most effective use of this day. Yesterday was exceptional and this morning I awoke around 9am, after going to bed after 2am with what can best be described as an activity hang over.

I decided on sorting out the piles of cards waiting to become sets which cover the floor and every available flat surface in this work room. And then guilt struck and I felt physically better and vacuumed the front room and hallway. This is a Tardis house in that is has a narrow front sandwiched between other houses of similar appearance. Having not been inside theirs other than the entrance porch I cannot say if they have the same cavernous spaces inside with four living areas on the ground floor with two large rooms with alcoves, adjacent at the front, with tall ceilings and grand central light fixtures of days when the homes were town houses for sea captains and professionals with servants. Not on the grand scale of those of fashionable London houses and other elegant towns and city centres, but up market compared to the acres of public housing and for renting in the town, and in fact not too far away similar properties have been converted into two flats or used as small hotels.

The secret of the property is that running off from the entrance hallway are two further rooms parallel to the an outside back area which is mostly used for garaging but which in my instance because I have small vehicle, also accommodates a table and chairs, and some vegetation in pots, hanging baskets and window boxes to reminds of when I had a quarter acre site to develop and enjoy. My garage area is covered with some transparent material which produces intense heat as well as light so that during last summer the temperature reached over 100's degrees several times over a period of several days. There is a downstairs toilet which has to be entered from the garage so not ideal in winter, but compared to most such facilities, it has quality fittings and it is not only old ladies who find they need to make it quickly from time to time.
I am digressing from the theme of working environment to report a wondrous new development, viz the all singing and dancing six cartridge printer scanner which I have set up, partially, and scanned and printed my birth certificate to establish for Sunderland Football club that I am over 65 and entitled to a concessionary season ticket. The concessions and disadvantages of old age will be a subject for another day.

The reason why the printer is being set up today is because my second Epson standby printer failed. Both were free from my supplier of inkjet cartridges and both could not be used without technical intervention after reaching a certain use, I think somewhere over 30000 sheets. It only took a few minutes to clear surplus ink and re set and my local agent did both for the price of one, a few weeks ago, warning that the working life would come to an end. Then I had a severe paper jam and one machine stopped working and now the second. This would not have been a problem if my main machine had not commenced to print pink for blue.

I usually rush at making things work my way, but so far having unpacked, then spent more time that I cared for finding where the mains socket was, and tentatively exploring the main features, I discovered that I could copy and print freestanding without the computer.

Having successfully copied I decided to proceed with installing, but did not panic where I received a hardware not recognised notice. Then, for once, the solution immediately dawned. The suppliers had insisted on selling me a printer computer cable, albeit at a concessionary price, although the printer appeared to come with its own. Disconnecting this caused a flutter because for a moment it looked as if was an integral part of the equipment, but once this was solved and new cable attached, the machine was recognised and the installation from the CD could proceed. It took sometime because of the quantity of components and that some old software had to be uninstalled before the latest versions could be added but this was undertaken automatically. There were some further heart stopping moments before everything was in order and I was able to print out in blue the set numbering card called black which is part of a volume of internet information on the devil and all his little helpers which formed research alongside with My Space work, used for writings before Easter. The reason for needing set card number 13502 covering cards numbered 324025 324848 is that I had used set numbering 13546 twice. In order to avoid this situation which happens with greater frequency than I need, but which is not surprising because I have between 50 and 100 separate, but often related projects works, under way. I do have a master framework having originally guessed the balance between output of development work, events, records, confidentiality and creativity and I keep track with two lists which never balance, unfortunately. The first sequentially numbered 0 to 6250 or whatever is the latest completed set in the sequence, and the second list covers completed sets under their sections and this is useful in tracking partially completed sets. I keep records of each signature registration card which also helps to avoid duplication although sometimes it creates mysteries as I cannot explain why a gap has created eg why is there no such set 1824 when I am up to 1870? I also then photo each card individually and jointly with its partner in a volume including writing drafts, but not as in the instance of internet information prints because in theory these could be printed out again, if for an reason the work, or parts of it, is lost. Now wasn't that all interesting! I find it boring and resent the amount of time work housekeeping consumes.

I may be no good as a creative artist but I am working seriously at it.

I would get back to writing about my working environment except it is time to have a shave and put on decent clothes and visit mother. I shall return but not quite in the grand manner of Mr McArthur, or was it MacArthur. I will check that up on return? It was big Mac.

My first working environment was a large house of seven potential bedrooms and four living areas plus two good landing space areas and a double garage to develop as a total art use space. This was to be ArtmansArthouse.

Getting heavy, even when empty, four drawer filling cabinets to the first floor was challenge enough and as the time to downsize approached I settled for housing five in the garage, two in the main entrance hallway, one at the end of my bed, one in the main lounge and one in the kitchen. Two large black display units dominated the utility room, and the spare doubled bedded room was an interesting mixture of display units housing the blue work volumes with blue bedding and curtains. It was a compromise because the walls were bedroom wallpapered and I never got round to using the blue paint which I subsequently used here on the garage patio space and where one giant tin remains unused. I experimented with various combinations of units and a former lounge/dining room was given over to work and the technology experience history. I needed lots and lot of tables and flat surfaces to spread work and work materials, box files in their hundreds, card in their thousands, glue and glitter. I use kids glitter glue which takes 24 hours to dry and even longer if I decide to be creative with a mix of colours on the simple lettering of Artman of which one is created for every display set, but not for those to be locked and sealed in the confidentiality cabinets which I guess is an inconsistency.

I have got things badly wrong with using a fixed outline and format for the artman cards, until realising that I could create free form signatures, and I may switch to using acrylic for those which are the frontispiece for creative work sets, especially as I discovered a shop selling inexpensive packs for me to experiment with. These cards are not only for artman signatures but some use "witness" to my own life and others, and some "guardian" of my life and of others. The working environment and how the completed work was displayed changed and were photographed and I remember why I did not continue with this aspect when I moved here except hating to have to reproduce ideas once they have been worked out and through.

I decided on this theme for the main Blog writing of the day after waking with an activity hangover around 9am and it was an hour or so before I could begin the house clean which I had promised myself, vacuuming the front room, the parlour, which until Christmas had the appearance of comparative normality to any passer by. (I have said this before but I needed to say it again.) It was the only one of the other nine rooms which could be described as such. Admittedly there were three tall display units for books and black boxes housing completed creative work, but there is good sideboard, a settee, a couple of chairs, and my mother's glass display unit with an internal light, if only I possessed objectives worth illuminating.

Then at Christmas the myth of normal existence was destroyed when first I kept UP the 101 fairy lantern lights after January 6th. The initial reason is that it was not possible for everyone who wished to celebrate the 100th birthday of my mother on the day itself, and fortunately as she is within her own world of space and time the birthday can be celebrated at different times. If it is good enough for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth to do so then it is good enough for my mother! Then I had the idea of keeping the lights up during the remaining lifetime of my mother, or my own whose ever ending comes first, to at least until she 101. There is a similar set of 101 lantern lights fixed to cross beams in the garage to create a Mediterranean feel sitting out on balmy nights drinking wine and writing in my head. I could give myself a performance art soliloquy but could I get locked up in a mental institution? It is safer to do so on the net. The second, and greater reason, for ending the conventional front parlour image is that I brought down a single bed base to use as a work surface and then as a base for 101 9.3.39, and which I completed yesterday, but where I need to settle on the 101 dedications before it is ready for showing. Do I dare? Do I want to cope with the ridicule? The bed base has a secret because underneath is a fold up bed which can be set alongside the other to form a double. The idea is that if I cannot use the stairs at some point in the future I can survive on the ground floor. The give away that this was never intended to be treated as a normal parlour is the Black Cabinet in one corner. I use this room to watch videos and DVD's. I have the means of transmitting Sky TV from the next room and I got it to work, with the signal penetrating book display shelves either side of a solid brick wall. The books in here are novels, plays poetry and English Literature. There is also the DVD and video collection.

My Black and White work space has a mauve carpet and a colour poster with ticket for Live Aid 1985 but otherwise there is a combination of black and white units, a dilapidated settee covered in white and which is large and comfy enough to sleep on and where I often nap in front of the telly. I work by the window using a former kitchen table and a trolley to house the second printer, pending communications and cards for printing. There are mountains of packs of white card everywhere, usually 10 ream open and piled on top of a lot level display unit with over 2000 sheets of photopaper, 1000 sheets or so of communication paper and in between the settee and this display unit there is hidden the boxes of printing cartridges about 150 at present plus thirty for the standby printer to go back, and will be credited and then replaced. There are also packs galore of glitter and glue.

At present the floor is covered with piles of cards grouped but not sorted into an order of making into sets. There are about forty binders and folders of sets in the making, ten boxes in two sizes and three colours, of work also in the making and 25 partially made folders which will each hold 100 pages of text and photos on photo paper celebrating the life of my mother. There are two black filing cabinets, behind me.

The are 101 special books together in this room plus books on history, politics, economics ( I studied these subjects when taking an economics and politics course, and then books on philosophy, psychology psychiatry and psycho analysis, sociology and social work, when studies for the diploma in public and social administration and then for child care. There books on trade unions and their history on jazz and other music, on sport and this and that. There are several years of bound copies of New Society Magazine from the first edition, books on art and large travel places photo books not included in the 101.

The hallway leading to the stairs has two units containing 101 framed photos accompanying 101 and the first 150 volumes of development work. There are also 37 reams of white card here. I will have to count those upstairs and work out how long before I need a new supply and if this will be after my supplier brings out another 2 for 1 offer. Along the continuing hallway to the back of the house there are book cases for map and travel books, cook books and D IY books and on top information about goings on in all the arts locally and in the region. I am constantly having to vacuum the thick carpet because it is red and shows up everything light. Perhaps I should do it more often.

The day room is a mixture with a wall to ceiling rustic dresser and a table at the window which I inherited. There is a cavernous cupboard under the stairs and I wonder if the house had a cellar. In the other side I have two more cabinets and the separate Fridge and Freezer and the dryer, so that the room is more functional household although it is not unknown for the table and floor to be covered with work. The square kitchen is functional with coming with the house a gas cooker, a fridge freezer and a washing machine as well as adequate storage and another giant cupboard with shelving. I have an electric oven/grill which is better than the gas oven which I only use for roasting chickens every other weekend, as one chicken provides three or four meals subsequently made up with veg and stock. There is a steamer and two microwaves although one is hidden under the day room table.

And then there is the first floor half landing area, the first former floor bedrooms, my black bedded room, the second floor half landing, the second floor landing and the three rooms and then there is great loft of two room sizes (it has two lights) and a proper staircase, and then there are built in cupboards and wardrobes, about a dozen doubles and some singles. But how they are used must wait until another day.

But here is the thought that haunts having seen the images of the work produced by my friend from the limitations of one garage, it is not the quantity of work space or output that matters, but its quality. I am yet to be proven, my friend does not.

1063 Artman Working

Carolyn Mary Kleefeld on MySpace and decided to go to her freestanding website, and immediately knew that this was a mind I needed to begin to experience and rushed to Amazon and E Bay to discover what was available, and bought two volumes of the earliest of poems. Because they were to be shipped from the>USA from separate sources it is interesting that I obtained both today, one from the post office as delivery was could not be made when I was out on Thursday and one in this morning's delivery.

The first volume is a double surprise because it is number 456 of 500 and signed by the author "Climates of the Mind." It contains a substantial number of poetic writings, snippets in addition to full poems, and although I have only dipped, I am in awe at the ability to express such a level thoughts and feelings, viewpoints and understanding by someone so comparatively young when it was published in cloth paper nearly three decades ago. This is an individual who values privacy, but it is evident that she has a command of philosophy and psychoanalytical thinking of the most significant level and which she has translated into poems ranging from simple and succinct observations to the complex of images embracing a knowledge of historical literature to the views of Carl Jung which I shall comment further in relation to the second volume. From the internet I have viewed some of the visual work and not surprised to learn that it has been acquired by leading collectors.

When I say she covers issues which I also explore it is not suggest we inhabit the same dimension. The second work sub titled word painting is called "Satan Sleeps with the Holy," and the snippets of reviews are by psychologists, psychiatrists and a literature professor. This exploration while covering evil and Hell is about the human condition and the significance of the subconscious. Over forty years ago I read psychoanalytical writings, mainly Freud, father and daughter, Alexander, and books by Jung :- his consideration of Freud and Psychoanalysis and a work which influenced more than the others, Modern Man in search of a soul, together with the writings of R D Laing, particularly his, Divided Self."

Today I read sections of the chapter in Modern Man, called the Spiritual Problem of Modern Man, and was struck by his sentence about standing on the "peak, or at the very edge of the world, the abyss of the future before him, and below him the heavens, and below him the whole of mankind with a history that disappears in primeval mists"

Now there was I thinking I was being original when talking about life being like climbing mountains, and finding that while you looked down on humanity, the rest of humanity looked down at you from even higher peaks. I only recently had I written about running around the rim of abyss, shouting "I see you, I see you." I have only recently appreciated that while I cannot recall what I have read it will have lain there in the subconscious, confirming that nothing I say is original and that many others can better express. It is not a dispiriting reality because the process of discovery is my own and I grow and integrate as a creative person. I will not attempt to consume and digest as used to do my food, to fill he void of hunger, but do what I did today read a bit when I can and want to.

The excitement and pleasure at just handling the books was the filling in period where football played a major role in my experience with fourth matches yesterday afternoon and evening and two this evening switching between channels. Lunchtime I went to Newcastle and owned up to neighbours that I had been to Sunderland and would going again and they were not impressed. They would have been more upset when later that evening Sunderland won the game after going a goal down and because other teams lost or drew found themselves at the head of the position table. This evening I started by watching Chelsea at Valencia but switched to Old Trafford when the first of their seven goals was scored. One moment I disclosing the universal jealous towards the success of the Manchester United and then next expressed awe and admiration for how they can perform. Chelsea also won with goal in the last seconds, so there is the likelihood of the three English clubs in the semi finals.

The main work activity was to make up the additional 15 boxes to create a 9.3.39 display of the 101 books, deciding on 3 white sandwiched between 3 blacks for the 9 and a two black one white setting for the 3's. I will photo during the rest of the week but tomorrow is to be given over to house cleaning and set making, mainly of MySpace produced material. I started the box making this morning after rising at a reasonable hour going to bed after 3 am.

I felt good because there had been no need to go for a zombie like pee in the dark, cautious of slipping over the two steps of the half landing and crashing by mistake into one of the display units housing the story of my electronic experience. The first was a Clive Sinclair ZX or something similar, which I had no idea what to do with and junked which is a pity cos it might be worth a few bob in a hundred year's time. Then it was a Commodore 64 which you had to attach to a TV, and games and thingies had to be loaded via Cassette tape, and where the best game was called Alice. Ah ha hands up all those who spotted Alice among my friends, although she is therefore a different purpose. After the Alice came two word processing Amstrads a 256 and then a 512 with a green screen and I envied those who communicated in colour. I carried an Amstrad around in a giant shoulder bag as the original lap top, well how many people do you know carried their desktop as a shoulder bag in the mid 1980's to all parts of England, (when doing field trips for the Drug Advisory Service).

I did a little shopping at the supermarket after going to collect the Kleefeld book, as test of will, because later I could have gone with the car when visiting my mother. I needed some vinegar and olives for my salads. I am trying to lose weight again in earnest because of a potential physical health problem that I have tracked over several weeks and a visit arranged for the GP I was disappointed with myself when weighing at Easter. Having gained a few pounds which took me over 15.7, which still two stones lighter over the past year but my aim was to be under 15 some by the School Summer half term. I did walk about four miles on Saturday but under a mile walking around Newcastle yesterday and about the same today.

Growing tried after he meal I tried a siesta and woken up quickly watching the closing sections of the final disk of the first season of Lost, which should get into the 101 TV list. When I realised that I did not have another mil order rental to view, I decided to see the DVD on the life of Ray Charles which followed the usual cautionary tale of successful male entertainers men who take up second wives while on the road, of drug experimentation and addicted use, and of dumping those who played a major part in achieving fame and success. I am tired as it is after 2 am so will stop with nothing profound to say. Nor do I feel up to a spelling and grammar check.

1062 Artman Project reprise

There was Adam and Eve, and you and me and we are all connected.

I am who I am, now, have been, and will become, and of my ancestors and my descendents.

I have never pretended to be other than me, but accept that this always has been not to some liking.

I perform my allotted parts on this stage of life with all the passion, and adventure, the experience and understanding of someone who is reaching the end of his >three score years and ten, but I am not an actor in role play and life is not a rehearsal.

I am also a master of the light and the dark, and which I treat as separate kingdoms, and which you can enter to discover which suits you best, but beware, if you commit yourself to one, it shall be for eternity. It is your choice, and your life.

From today I will inhabit two dimensions on My Space in addition to my ongoing dimension on AOL Blogs which has approaching 1000 entries and over 25000 photos since commencing in 2006.

Each is part of 101, which I commenced in June 2003 but started to plan in August 2002. This project involves creating one A 4 size card representing each hour of my former life to the age of 65, in sets of 24 and volumes of days, some in boxes and confidentials in large black four drawer filing cabinets which will be sealed prior to any public exhibition. To-date 6250 sets have been completed 150000 cards approximately, one quarter of the project. There are 240000 digital photos, 100 90 mins audio tapes and 20 hours of unedited digital film.

One component has been completed and will be made ready for public display. This consist of 101 copies of a 400 page explanation in words and pictures of how I came to become Artmanjosephgrech, printed by the Daily Mail in 2005, and with the title 101 in Black and White. Originally the idea was to display the work in a sealed transparent unit, with the option of the 101 photographs on their own, or with 101 statements in addition. Then having come across some Black and White boxes the intention was to exhibit in nine of these, but more recently I have taken with the concept of using 9 3 39, my date of birth, and which in turn will take the pressure from the weight of one box upon the other. Each book will have a dedication, some coded. An intrinsic aspect of the concept is Public and Private Life, Public and Private Art.

In addition to the photographs, there a few crayonings and pastel experimentation, and to day on my way to watch Newcastle play Arsenal at St James Park and then Sunderland at Southampton on a big TV screen, I came across a shop selling some acrylic, and made up canvases, and thought why not have a bash at that, I have the urge to squelch and splodge some paint.

Last year I completed a six year family history research project on the Wiltshire ancestors of my mother who celebrated her 100th birthday in January, and although copies of this 200 page study of ancestral chains and photographs were mainly for the extended family with close branches in England, Gibraltar and the U.S.A, (there are also branches of the wider family in Canada, Australia and South Africa) separate editions were lodged with relevant archives and family history centres.

It had been the intention to complete a biographical work, Fragments of Time, which covered my mother's ancestors, her grand mother was Spanish, her mother had Spanish and Italian parents, but was Gibraltar born, set in the context of the political, economic, social, and religious contemporary life, and while this is about a quarter written, I decided on a shorter version to make the actual birthday event, although versions is a more accurate description because following the circulation of one version to immediate family members, different versions are about to be produced for her various interests such as the churches she attended, the schools where she taught.
I was brought up in two rooms by five sisters, two of whom died soon after the end of World War two, in the household of a sixth sister and her family; I did not know which my mother was until going to an independent Catholic Preparatory Day school. Mothering was provided by another sister, who shared with me one end of a double bed, with my mother and another aunt, at the other end, and who subsequently lived with my mother for six decades until she prematurely died in hospital in circumstances that have worried and upset me, because the explanations by medical and nursing officers in hospital and community are incompatible. Formal investigations by the appropriate authorities has taken four years and following completion of two Health Ombudsman's reports, the results of a request for these to be reviewed is expected over the coming month and could involve several weeks of intense work depending on the decisions reached. It is my intention to write something for general publication about the task confronting relatives when they have complaints which cut across the whole range of hospital and community health and welfare services.

It is my intention, assuming I manage to live longer than my mother, to undertake research into the life and family background of my father, hence my adoption of his name of Grech to represent the person I might have been, had I been able to know him, and had I chosen to follow my creative nature professionally instead of deciding to take the path into child care, social work and its management. The second volume which is only a concept, " Fragments of Memory," in the form of an extended letter explaining to him about my life, speculating how similar and dissimilar we are. I am tempted to write the work in dyslexia because of

mylearningdifficultiesaboutgrammarspellinglanguagesand rememberinggenerally

in addition to a lack of hand and eye coordination which makes controlled delicate work of any kind impossible, glory be the word processor and with spelling and grammar checker.

I did write a play in 1961, after leaving prison, which the writers for the Royal Court Theatre said was interesting and wished to see what else I had written, but had not, and want to do one now about the Tardis of old age, and I did complete one novel in 1993 which the readers said they hoped would find a publisher, but I suspect they were being kind because I now think it is awful and would like to do something better.

And this brings me to AOL and My Space Blogs. When I had my epiphany after seeing the bed of Tracey Emin with her banner work above, at the Saatchi, and then the work of Bruce Nauman and Hanne Darbovan, and a performance art work video of Sarah Lucas, at Tate Modem, I knew what to do and how to do it, in the form of the card work. I was much taken by the nature of digital communication and its pushing of boundaries with 24 hour web cams intrusions into every aspect of personal life and the ultimate snuff movie, "With my Little Eye," and also by the fact that millions are willing to pay to vote for their American Idols and British X factors (and where I am addicted to both), watching everything there is to be watched, I voyeur that I be, but do not vote freely in local and national elections, it seemed to me, in my uneducated and untrained creative mentality that to be considered as a contemporary creative artist, and not an historical reproductionist, you had not only to create art which reflected the width and depth and life experiences of the moment, but you had to make the creative process available, to anyone, anywhere, anytime given that everything we do and say is technically viewable, recordable and therefore changeable, to those with the technology. Quite apart from technical and financial problems of doing this, I have run away from my exhibitionist drives even more than the voyeuristic, so putting myself on stage before my work was accepted, could not be faced, and this created a dilemma because in order to complete the task I would need to work in comparative isolation and engage in communication with others without them or me being subjected to forces which would significantly affect the nature of relationships.

It was therefore something akin to putting a toe into a cauldron of choppy freezing and boiling water that I commenced to write notes on my day, and what I had experienced from the creative work of others for an AOL Blog, but I grew in confidence when it was evident that no one else was reading, mainly because I told no one. Doing so almost every day became a way of life, until that is I discovered MySpace by accident, looking at artists who were to appear on the X factor show and discovering that one had created a MySpace site and the rest as they say is now and tomorrow. At first I headed off in every direction possible and then concentrated on issues which interested, such as recently who were the friends of Sigmund Freud and why? Or would anyway admit to a stranger that they were involved with the occult, or was it all a fashion, music and social subculture? How wicked are the professed wicked and good the good?

Apart from the contact with individuals, the aspect which interests me most is that MySpace is a series of separate dimensions of space and time each part of an interlinking whole. There are the established public performers and their markets and their existing and potential fans. There is the net working within specialist interests and occupations. There are those in search of someone or something? There are tight circles of families and their actively known friends. There is a multiplicity and perhaps duplicity of role players. There is the promotion of an interest or a cause or of someone famous long departed, and or who should be famous, living or passed on. There are hoaxers and promoters of everything one can think of and then there is me.

When I had just a few friends, mostly I had encountered during searchings the concept of limiting the number to 101 seemed reasonable and I set about drawing up a schedule of 101 experiences and interests in my life which I might want individuals to represent. Twenty five categories of four but then there are more than twenty five categories. Sometimes four appears more than sufficient with for film directors Ingmar Bergman, Almodovar and Peter Jackson never disappointing in anything they have done so far, but was there a fourth whose work, however individual summed up an event, a period and the list is 101 including Mel Gibson's Passion and Woodstock, the Wizard of Oz and the Life of Sophie Scholl. The same applied to female singers departed with having collections of Billie Holiday and Nina Simone records and adoring Edith Piaf and "no regrets" in particular, although not finding an original site I settled for a tribute group, and the finding an original site it occurred that a group recreating her sound was more in keeping with my main project. But who should be number four?

So while I wrestled with such issues, I was contacted by strangers who wished to be added to my list and even being selective, the list rapidly approached the target of 101 which meant I had to begin to consider deletions, and then my technical ineptitude played its hand and I deleted a page instead of one individual. And then I decided to restrict the 24 to the departed and to symbols while considered what to do and then I had an idea which I ought to have had before, if I was better quick witted. I would create a separate MySpace 101 project site where the list of friends and everything else could be restricted to 101 and where the present site could become a development site for writing, communications and explorations.

So I tried the system and Eureka and WOW, the system has consented and so, having posted this, I go back to creating the new site and to my companions of the day and night.

1056 Black

At the conclusion of the film 2001 there is the scene where the space traveller is reaching the end of his life, having appeared to have lived in a room an eternity in comfort but alone with his knowledge and memories at one isolated point in the universe.He and his companions embarked on the journey after the unearthing of a black monolith on the moon which then appeared among the stars. The film had opened among early human life and the first appearance of the monolith.Blackness has become associated with death, the sinister, the secretive and the Gothic. Since separating myself into my being past and being present I have travelled through many portals re-examining previous and new experience, but did not decide on what part the concept would play in my work until an exhibition of sculptures by Eva Grubinger at the Baltic at Gateshead, Tyneside. I began the purchase of four drawer black filing cabinets to secure the confidentiality of previous life. There are ten in process at present placed to remind when I eat, work, relax and sleep.When the work is ready for exhibition the cabinets will be weld sealed although it is hoped that those who experience their presence will feel something of the power of the life now imprisoned.



༺ĖṴṖḪȪƦȈǠ༻

People are afraid of the color black because they do not understand that black is not the absense of ......that would be clear.In many cultures they viewed black as a color of great significance and protection. Even the gothic gargoyles most think creepy were supposed to be a sign of protection.It is also said that 98% of matter is what scientists call dark matter. This term is misleading because this dark matter they speak of only appears black to them.
Our pupils are only allowed to take in a controlled amount of light and when we look out into space it appears dark,but this is just illusion. If we were able to take in all light we would be blinded so the grand designer gave us smaller pupils only allowing us to take in the light energy that is directed at us. We literally turn a blind eye to light.In conclusion what we perceive as dark matter is merely light we cannot see!peace love chaos
Posted by ༺ĖṴṖḪȪƦȈǠ༻ on 14:04 - 14:39